Tuesday, August 16, 2011

A rule to live by

It is hard to offend me.

Actually, it's almost impossible.

Because of that, I tend to not understand when others get offended.

I try to be a courteous person, but I'm probably pricklier than your average bear.  Some people consider this a charming character quirk. Some people, not so much.  It's definitely possible for me to give offense without intent, and when that's brought to my attention, I'll apologize.  (Unfortunately, it's going to sound a lot like one of those non-apology apologies -- "I'm sorry you were offended."  Double unfortunately -- if I didn't actually intend to offend you, that's all you're going to get out of me. I'm not one to apologize just for kicks and giggles.) 

But for the record.

If you read something I write on this blog and think, "Hey! That's about me!" -- it almost certainly is not.  (You can go ahead and get your panties in a twist, however, since I would never deny anyone that experience. Righteous indignation, it's a helluva drug.)

If I specifically name you - Diego, Hannah, Lulu, or one of my many other pseudonyms - then yes, it's about you.  If I refer to another blogger by name - Mormon Child Bride, Gurrbonzo, Boob Nazi - again, it is about you. When I say "Sarah Palin," I mean Sarah Palin.  When I say "Ashley from The Bachelorette," I mean Ashley from The Bachelorette. When I say Spence, I mean exactly that darling pupperlup.

But if I just write, "Sweet mother of mercy, what is the deal with people who use their iPhones as a hymnal in church?" Or, "people who cut you off in traffic?" Or, "the boring?" it's just because I've noticed enough pretentious idiots, bad drivers, and lamesters behaving the exact same way to call them out en masse

So ... long story short, if you find yourself thinking that this biotch Ru has specifically dedicated an entire blog post to you and you alone ... eh, probably not. 

(Except for this post. Though to be fair, while this is about one person* specifically, it's about Internetland generally.)

For the most part, I don't believe people intend ill will toward others.  More than that, I think that coincidence is always more likely than conspiracy. I don't spend much of my time thinking negatively about others, and I imagine the same goes for you.   

I know the Internet makes paranoid freaks out of us all.  I even once emailed Mormon Child Bride (notice how I'm naming her directly?) to double check that I hadn't accidentally stolen one of her jokes.  (I hadn't.)

So when in doubt, remember this: No one is talking about you.

It was true in junior high. It's true now.

Do you know why?

Because we all have better things to do with our time.  For reals.

And if telling yourself that doesn't work, and you remain completely, 100% convinced that it is you someone else is talking about -- just email them and ask. I guarantee that you're going to be reassured that they had no idea that their words were going to be taken that way and no offense was intended. There may be even some nice chuckle times. I can't guarantee it, but it's likely.


* In this one case, I won't name that person, but she knows who she is, since I have (a) tried to clarify my joke on my blog; (b) offered three separate blog comments on her blog trying to explain the misunderstanding, all of which were promptly deleted; and (c) emailed her in an attempt to mend fences, though she is determined to believe I was deliberately rude.

So here's my apology for all of InternetLand to see: "I'm sorry you were offended.  When I say 'Cathy comic strip wannabes,' I mean those who are two-dimensional enough to only talk about chocolate, weight gain, and dating on their facebooks, twitter, and blogs.  Like Cathy, from the decidedly unfunny comic strip Cathy. I definitely don't mean people who like drawing comics in general."

I'm also sorry-- but a little more impressed -- that I managed to offend you, even though you acknowledged you didn't understand what I meant by the statement "Cathy comic strip wannabees."  Internet hat trick, friendos -- a misinterpretation SQUARED.

(In case any of you all were wondering, yes, it does kind of blow my mind that after ranting to a ridiculous degree about twitter, the only thing I managed to do was offend someone who likes to draw comic strips. C'est la vie.)

As a final note -- I don't need to be told that my posts are negative.  Jeez, what about me ranting in the last two years about bad dates, Sarah Palin, annoying Mormons, True Blood, pet owners, parents, Ayn Rand, Project Runway, writer's block, billable hours, ABC Family, anti-feminists, censorship, bar exams, and contractors gave anyone the impression that I wasn't a negative person? I am super negative. I aspire only to be funny as well.

Truth in advertising, my homies.


  1. There has to be enough annoying things I do to people that someone has written a blog about it. I use my mouse with my left hand to work out my brain, that has to bug someone enough to take it to the internets.

  2. Well, you've never even come close to annoying me enough, so I imagine you're safe :)

  3. One of my friends said he stopped reading my blog because I wrote something negative about him. I have NO memory of this, and therefore assume he misread something I wrote. He refuses to believe me and conveniently he can't remember which post it was.

  4. Elizabeth - I think some people just like to be offended, honestly. Obviously I don't know the details about your friend, but I was pretty stunned that even after explaining something repeatedly, someone would continue insist that I was rude. I'm sorry to hear you had a similar experience.

    In general, I try to give others the benefit of the doubt and I wish they'd do the same for me.

  5. Ru Ru, I too don't get offended. I have never been offended by racist, homophobic or sexist jokes. I fact I find them fucking hilarious.

    But sometimes by sharp tongue runs away on me, I mistakenly assume that because I am not easily offended that others must be the same way.

  6. I used to have this "anonymous" commenter on my blog who would tell me how self-righteous I am and no wonder I am still single and I need to look past myself and and and. They disappeared all of a sudden. I've fished for some controversial comments here and there, hoping my anonymous of days gone by would like her panties twisted more tightly, alas...nadda. So much amusement not had.

  7. Oo...and this is random, but it kinda reminds me of a comment I made on a friend's blog I'll link to the blog, you can read the comment if you need to meet a blog-stalking quota for today:

    Watch out, ironically, this guy enjoys creating comics.

  8. You're such a mean internet troll. Some people have real problems, fool!

  9. Taking offense uses up so much energy! How does anyone find that kind of available brainpower?

  10. I am numbered among the not-easily-offended, and I tend to forget, like Mind of Mine, that others might not be so tough. Whatever. I figure Drama can be quite a powerful drug, and if someone wants to be all pissy about something, better them than me.

    Not to say I don't get pissy about stuff, I just do something about it. That's what irritates me, is the people who just enjoy the "piss and moan" aspect of a crappy situation, and aren't remotely interested in the "figure out a solution" part.

  11. Visiting via The Warrior Muse, and love your style, so new Follower here, Ms. Ru.

    Seriously, I doubt that "the boring" ever suspect you are bagging on them. As for the rest - some people are like the White Queen from Alice in Wonderland, only they are ISO three ridiculous things to become indignant about before breakfast.

    Whereas I'd rather enjoy a good laugh, even if it's at my own expense. Writingin Flow

  12. Mind of Mine - I know exactly how you feel. Still, I try to do my best to make amends once I've blundered. I just think that at that point, the offended person needs to get over it.

    Larissa - ha, anonymous people are so funny. Don't you wonder what they do with their free time sometimes? Thanks for the link, that was an interesting read for sure.

    Q&B - you bitch. Hahaha. :)

    Robin - that is what I'd like to know.

    MJ - here, here.

    Beverly - thanks, and welcome to the fun. I agree, I'd much rather laugh at myself. I don't take enough seriously so it's hard for me to understand why some people take EVERYTHING seriously.

  13. Unless you're talking about a totally awesome/pretty/smart/perfect person, I KNOW you aren't talking about me.

    Just kidding.

    Really though... I'm awesome so you should write a blog post about me.

  14. For the record, I find you hilarious and completely inoffensive. I'm sorry you had to write a disclaimer blog (though, I also found this blog entertaining, so I'm not horribly sorry). Keep on doing what you're doing. :)

  15. There's just no point in being offended. Especially by something someone says on the internet. Whether it was intentionally offensive or not.

  16. Abby - I'm on it. I think after Spence and I go on our adventure to create your mystery prize (yes, I'm involving Spence) will be the perfect time. :)

    Alexis - thanks ma'am, I'll do my best.

    Karen - agreed.

  17. I am so offended that you put my "name" in this post.

  18. You should be. I'm a blogger of ill-repute, you don't want to be associated with me.