It's like waiting for Santa to come

I haven't bought a DVD in forever, mostly just because nothing that particularly appeals to me has been released recently.

So of course that means three of the movies I just barely saw, I am obsessed with--and now must wait months and months for them to come out on DVD. Sigh, Inglourious Basterds, Hurt Locker, Zombieland ... will you never arrive?

Thank goodness The Hangover comes out next week. :)

Mommy, why are there underoos in the corner?

The Spring Break 2009 Story:

Remember when Vegas was trying to market itself as "family friendly" a few years ago? Yeah, this was before the Las Vegas chamber of commerce remembered that the awesomeness of Vegas was mostly the fact that you could get away from your family and go nuts. Hence, the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" marketing campaign. Well, let's just say, in addition to avoiding the serious lame factor of trying to appeal to children, axing the family-friendly angle put Vegas visitors on serious notice.

For my final spring break (tear ...), some law school friends and I decided to make the roadtrip down to Vegas to let off some steam (shop, swim, tan, gamble, and booze it up, for those inclined) and see our friend Phil's U2 cover band play the New York, New York. Most of the law school crowd was staying at the Monte Carlo, but my friend Chris' step-dad had vouchers for the Sahara at the end of the Strip. Sweet, says I, Chris and our buddy Artemis, let's stay in the hotel that's free.

Suffice it to say, I learned a valuable life lesson that March: You get what you pay for.

When we opened the door to our room at the Sahara, we found the functional equivalent of a crack den. Dirt and dust everywhere. Broken TV. White "stuff" on the clock radio. Burn marks and chemical scorches on the countertops. Food on the floor. A laminated note in the bathroom, detailing the appropriate disposal method for hypodermic needles.

UNDERPANTS IN THE CORNER.

We called down to the front desk and said there must have been some mistake, because this room clearly had not been cleaned since its last occupants had exited. It went unsaid that the burn marks from meth production and the "How to clean your heroin syringes" guide had obviously been there awhile.

We moved up to a new room that was marginally better than the first one--in that, there was no food on the floor and no underwear in the corner. We slept on top of towels and the door double-bolted. And the next night, we checked out of the Sahara and moved over to the Monte Carlo with everyone else.

Overall, still one of my Top Five vacations.

Rules are rules, kids

I usually try to be a considerate driver - move into another lane so people can get onto the freeway faster, stop so people can get out of a parking lot, get out of a lane if there's someone behind me driving faster, etc. I have only ever flipped off two people, and they really, really deserved it. And I always, always, always let people in when they're trying to get over.

The one exception to this rule is when construction results in lane closures, and people drive up the soon-to-be-closed lane in an effort to get in front of everyone who merged like a rational driver a half mile earlier. I would rather drive six inches behind the bumper of the person in front of me than let that happen.

Sorry - that's just the way things are.

Fair and balanced

When I step into an LDS Church-owned Deseret Book store, I expect to find religious study aids and wholesome entertainment. Yet when I walk into my local Deseret Book or look on its Web site, I find that books by right-wing talk show pundits are actively promoted, but there is nothing to represent the other side of the political spectrum.

Not only are the promoted books by people on the right wing, but they are the most offensive of all the conservative propagandists on the air today. Daily they spew lies, half-truths, misrepresentations and hatred of all sorts.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints should not be soiling its good reputation by selling these books through its bookstores. Every election season, the LDS Church proclaims political neutrality, but the one-sided selling of such books only reinforces the misperception that it is a Republican church.

If Deseret Book can tell its customers to go shop elsewhere for Stephenie Meyer's Twilightbooks, surely it can do the same for books that are far more offensive and fictional.

David Florer

Bellevue

Published in The Salt Lake Tribune, September 15, 2009

The thing is, if Deseret Book's customers (mostly LDS moms) would buy them, DB locations would stock books of a more liberal nature. And if LDS audiences would finally clue into the fact that Glenn Beck is an unbalanced, hateful douche, they'd stop stocking him.

New goal: Whenever I want a copy of a "liberal" book, like Lies (And The Lying Liars Who Lie Them): A Fair and Balanced Look At the Right by Al Franken, The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama, etc., I plan to buy it at one place and one place only: Deseret Book.

Shock and Awe: DB Style

So I got a temporary job at the Deseret Book corporate office while I'm waiting for my firm's start date.

***

Can I just ask, what is with all the stunned expressions when I tell people this?

Do you all think I can't hack it in Married Central? Do you think all the BYU fans will do me in? Is it the lack of swearing as a daily activity, or the love of Glenn Beck you all think I won't be able to handle?

OK, I'll admit it ... it's a slightly wacky place to work (Um, NO, I don't know the words to "Rise and Shout"), but mostly nice.

So no worries, folks - I got this.

New job skills: Gift basketry

Snuggle bunnies

Well, church was fun today. The Sunday School lesson was on the importance of marriage (Mwah???? I've never heard this before!) and I witnessed some of the most egregious PDA I've ever seen in church. Couple after couple seemed to be announcing, Hey, look at us! On the path to celestial marriage here!!! At one point, after watching a girl scratch her boyfriend's head for ten minutes, my friend Sara leaned over and whispered, "Is your scalp starting to itch now, too?" And it sure was.

On the plus side, I learned a valuable tip about my future relationships:

• Much like serving with a companion on a mission, your future spouse can determine how successful your life turns out. Lesson: Don't marry a loser.

Next Sunday: Taking a personal day.

Lost patience

My new favorite quotes from those who oppose healthcare reform in all its shapes, forms, and sizes (with commentary):

• I think of it is handing [them] life on a silver platter! I work for that silver platter. (From a college student, whom to the best of my knowledge does not actually have a job. Also, what exactly is this "silver platter" he speaks of? I want that healthcare.)
• The liberal coverage is to take from the people who have and give to the people who don't. (For the record, I don't think the uninsured would really want my Humana coverage plan, but as it's not doing me much good, they're welcome to share.)
• This isn't a Nation under the law of Consecration, regardless of what President Obama wants. (To clear up for all the non-Mo-Mo readers out there, the law of consecration is the Mormon version of Communism that Joseph Smith tried to institute, and conservative Mormons try to pretend never happened. Also, Joseph Smith said that if people did ever manage to make the law of consecration work, we'd be blessed more than we could imagine. So apparently to this person, President Obama is a bad guy for doing what the founder of Mormonism wanted.)

In case it isn't obvious, I'm pro healthcare reform. I don't feel like this is a radical or particularly uber-liberal proposition. I feel like this is a very middle-of-the-road position that all but the most extreme right-wing wackos oppose.

The current state of healthcare in America is abysmal. Too many uninsured Americans. Too many Americans with subpar plans (including myself). Too many people locked out from insurance they could otherwise afford because of pre-existing conditions (including my dad).

Why is it that the country with the best medicine in the world doesn't have the best health care in the world?

Do conservatives really not believe that this country is BETTER than that? Because that's what it sounds like to me, when Fox News insists on calling the public option the "government option," (Why aren't we calling public schools government schools and public libraries government libraries? When did conservatives start hating the public?) and Karl Rove tells Republicans that their goal should not be helping reform healthcare, or proposing alternative plans, but DESTROYING health care reform.

That, to me, sounds like you just don't think the people of this country are brave enough, smart enough, resilient enough to friggin revamp healthcare when we WERE brave enough, smart enough and resilient enough to defeat the Nazis and land on the moon.

Ronald Reagan had a joke that the scariest words in the English language are "I'm from the government, and I'm here to save you." Well, suck it, Ronald Reagan. The government is not an elusive entity out in the universe somewhere. The government is "we the people." The government is George Washington going home to Virginia when he could have been king. The government is Congress giving women the vote because it was right, and not because there was anything in it to gain. The government is the Supreme Court desegregating schools and the National Guard enforcing that decision.

Is our government perfect? No, but that's just because we aren't perfect. But the moments where America has really shined, it's only been because the individuals who made up America gave it their very best and most human effort.

I'm sorry that conservatives apparently don't have faith in "we the people" any more. But you know what? I'm sick of listening to you and your "sky is falling" attitudes. I've always tried to see both sides of a debate, tried to keep things civil, tried to find the compromise position.

But on the should-we-or-shouldn't-we debate?

Just shut up, you America hating dicks.

Who am I, sir?

It's my favorite time of year ... college football season. So far, I've been more than pleased with how things are going. Utah beat a respectable Utah State; BYU played Oklahoma in a win-win game (ie, I'm happy if BYU wins and finally bears a share of bringing glory to our conference, the U gets a chance to beat the team that beat Oklahoma, etc; I'm also happy if Oklahoma wins, because then BYU lost) that was simultaneously surprisingly sloppy and well-executed. (If that makes sense.)

Love the new turf.

Love the smell of cotton candy in a stadium.

Love the new red shoes.

Love Asiata's 156 yards.

Love, love, love, love, love Utah football.

But I wouldn't be me if I didn't have some minor complaint to share, and it is simple: I sat with my pops in his season tickets for opening game, and we were surrounding with Grade-A Whiskey Tangos. There was seriously one woman who managed to reveal eight inches of ass crack - I swear, her butt began halfway up her back. And that was but one of the primo examples of ug we had to endure.

For the love - please, please, please someone institute a dress code for Rice Eccles Stadium.