Saturday, October 30, 2010

Just brings out the folksy in me

I don't know what it is about sub par horror movies, but they really bring out my twang.  "Get up, son!  Them zombies are fixing to butter your grits!"

And I don't even know what that means.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Yup, this is how it is

Once upon a time, I hated it when lawyers would tell me I shouldn't be a lawyer.

But now that I am one ...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Some days are very special days

So, one of my bigger regrets in life is that I have not made this blog anonymous enough.  I mean, yeah, I post under a nickname a grand total of TWO people have ever used to address me in real life.  And I claim I live with Austin when I clearly don't.  (I know, some of you are shocked, right?)

But figuring out who I am and where I work is probably pretty damn easy for a dedicated little stalker.  I didn't grasp the "anonymity" thing for at least a few months of blogging.  I've made the mistake of linking this to my facebook profile a time or two.  And yeah, I've mentioned the law school I graduated from about a gazillion times.

All this adds up to the fact that when I have weeks like the last three, I can't regale you all with my work stories.  And seriously, there is nothing I would love more than to tell InternetLand about right now than ________________________ (censored to ensure my sound financial future).

However, I give you my solemn oath that when I quit/am fired, I will bust out all the big guns.  (Read: Saved Drafts.)  And you will love it.  No exaggeration.  

Until then, I would prefer to keep this job that causes me so much grief and consternation, so my lips are zipped.

And now a brief tangent.

If it is my job to make sure that my home teachers* meet me, contact me, and come see me, is it now my clients' jobs to make sure that I pursue their legal representation?

And another tangent.

To all of you who have been putting up with my bitchy self over these last few weeks, God bless and keep you.  From the kindly amusing (claims from Pedro to have found a fortune cookie fortune reading, "Your friend Ru will soon be happy again") to the gut-bustingly hilarious (one extremely versatile word: gooberdouche) and everything in between, your encouragement and friendship has meant the world to me, both in real life and internet forms.  So who says that technology is de-humanizing?  Hugs and kisses and polaroid pictures all around!

(And I officially promise to never be such a cheesy blogger again.)

* In the Mormon church, congregants are assigned to visit each other once a month to foster brotherly love and ensure that everyone is getting their recommended dose of Christian charity.  Home teachers are the guys who come and visit you, visiting teachers are the ladies who come to visit you.  When you're a grown up Mo-Mo with a spouse and kids and all that jazz, this means going to lunch or having a BBQ where the funness level will range from "Not at all" and "Holy cow, I love this person."  

When you're a single LDS gal or guy, this means a lot of awkward encounters and blocked cell phone numbers.  

Monday, October 25, 2010

The worst

Ugh, Netflix, you suck.

What is the point of having all this snazzy technology if you won't stream Legion direct to my TV?  (The description is so intriguing ... "In the wake of an apocalypse of major proportions ...")

Stop retrieving and start ... ugh, I can't think of an appropriate verb starting with re-.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A terrifying lesson for us all.

Yesterday I learned that tarantulas can walk on water.

And that's its leisurely pace.  Apparently they can "swim" even faster than they run.

Last night I went to see Paranormal Activity 2, and it was delightfully creepy.

But the thing that scared me most about going to bed afterward was the thought of spiders that are equally dexterous on sea as on land.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Raise the roof

Basically, I kick ass.

Yeah, that's a crane in that picture.  Putting a roof on a house.

While my personal contribution was to merely install the hurricane clips (because hurricanes are so common in "Austin") and caulk (I love saying "caulk," for all the immature reasons you might imagine) the baseboards, I feel like I earned my Amish Merit Badge today.

Oh yeah, I also helped build a wall.  It was totally a load-bearing wall.*

*(No it wasn't, I'm just trying to talk big.)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sweatshirt love

Hey Ute fans, if you happen to have an excuse to be in Salt Lake City tomorrow, it's Fan Appreciation Day at the Bookstore, which means 25% off U of U gear.

The last time I was in SLC, I picked up a zip hoodie that feels like I'm being hugged when I put it on.  Sooooo soft.  Sooooo fuzzy.

I know I kinda sound like one of those blogger girls who waxes poetic about lacy underskirts and knitted pinkie warmers (and secretly hopes for some tasty corporate sponsorship to come her way), but for shizzle.  (And I never say "for shizzle" lightly.)

Sometimes you just need your wardrobe to take care of you.  I basically plan to live in this zip hoodie all weekend.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Angry girl music ... but maybe not THAT angry

Am I the only one who hears Carrie Underwood's "Undo It" and thinks, "I wonder if this time instead of saying 'I wanna uha-uh-uh-uhu-undo it!' she'll say, 'I wanna ah-ah-ahaha-aha-abortion!"

Seriously, that may be kinda dark, but that's exactly what it sounds like to me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hold the phone

Um, how did I just barely realize that Courtney McCallister from Jack and Bobby (now instantly streaming on Netflix, wahoo) is Megan The Secretary on Mad Men?

I'll be honest, I like her a little more.  Not as much as Dr. Faye, or even Allison.  But totally more than that dippy Midge.

Aspiring to Banana Republic

You know those people who can find a "darling"* sweater or dress or pillow for $6 somewhere?

I am not one of those people.

I walk into a store, any store, and suddenly the shelves and racks are exploding with merchandise I can't begin to fathom sorting.  I don't want to bother finding something that fits, much less something that's cute, much less something that's cute and inexpensive.  I may love H&M, etc. but it does not love me.

And you know those people who feel okay buying a hoodie -- a HOODIE -- for $79.99 because it came from J.Crew or something?

I am not one of those people, either.  If something costs more than $50, it better (a) be wearable to work AND church or (b) be wearable every single day (ie, jeans ... or possibly the Holy Grail of bras, but I haven't found one yet).

In law school, my friend Julie and I used to talk about how we wished we could be the kind of people who would feel comfortable buying something at Banana Republic without feeling guilty ... but that's where we'd always stop.  I want to reach the level of financial stability where I can buy a nice dress or pair of work pants, or even a glittery headband (we all have to go nuts now and again), but still have the good sense to run screaming from the idea of buying a $40 candle (Anthropologie) or $400 dress (Barneys, Saks).

The really sad thing is, now that I'm semi-Banana-Republic-secure, I'm trying to be fiscally conservative and junk. 

You really can't win. 

* I'm trying to get over my hatred of the word "darling."  I now officially hate it less than people who find $6 dresses.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

What the WHAT?

Are you SERIOUS, Don?

I know I should know better, but ...

I love Halloween.   In the big lead up to the old 3-1, I tend to have a few scary movie marathons.

This year, however, these movie marathons are taking place mostly by myself, in my apartment.

I called Diego today in an effort to get out of my previously-mentioned funk.  "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Watching The Ring," I replied, my eyes glued to the screen as Naomi Watts confronts the suicidal horsebreeder who is about to electrocute himself in a bathtub.  (Sorry ... uh, spoiler alert?  At what point do you have to warn people about upcoming plot points in a movie that's nearly 10 years old?)

"Uh ... are you sure that's a good idea?" Diego said hesitantly.


"I don't know.  Watching scary movies alone in an apartment?  When you're depressed?"

I shrugged.  "Well, it's just The Ring.  Not Sophie's Choice."

"Are you going to go see Paranormal Activity 2 this week?"

"Heck yes."

"Remember how you had to sneak into your thirteen-year-old brother's room after watching the first one?  Who is going to convince you there isn't a demon ghostie in your apartment when you live alone?"

Another shrug.  "I don't know, I live across the street from a Catholic church.  I could just run over there where it's safe."

"I think maybe you should go rent Hocus Pocus."

To do this week:*

1. Give blood

2. Volunteer at the Habitat for Humanity build site

3. Work on my pro bono cases

* There's this theory that when you feel crappy about yourself, you can get over it by helping others.  I am not sure that is true.  I cleaned the Ronald McDonald House last weekend, and I can tell you, I was still depressed, and stinky.

I'll let you know how it goes this week.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Oh law students ... what will you think of next?

This one is the funniest, in my opinion:

But if you watch this one, you might catch a tiny glimpse of your friendly blogger girl ....

Friday, October 15, 2010

Who likes a sad girl on the internet?

Answer: No one.

Sorry for the lack of posts lately ... things have been rough lately for me at work/at home/in my head, take your pick.  And when I am all focused on my problemos, I struggle to come up with amusing stories for my blog.  (Or, at least, appropriate amusing stories.  I mean, lots of things still happen to me on a daily basis that I find funny, but sometimes that's not a funny-ha-ha, and I don't want to bring the party down.)

Anywho, since I don't want to get out of my blogging habit while I'm Mayor of Mopetown, I decided to post some fun videos.

When I was a 3L, I helped our SBA officers to make some video advertisements for Barrister's Ball, which is kind of like a law school prom.  Here's the first one ... pretty sure I've got a creative credit on this one.


Monday, October 11, 2010

Color me shocked

So the TV show about the Supreme Court Justice who steps down from the bench and starts his own law firm to effect MORE change than he could in public service was just canceled?

Is true artistry dead in America?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Quarterlife Crisis

Anyone have any recommendations on activities, hobbies, vacations a person could perform/take up/go on if they're in a big, pathetic rut?  All suggestions, big and small, will be considered.  

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Man In The Mirror

Scene: Work.  Doc Review Room.  Pandora playing in the background.

Lawyer: I'm so sad I'll never get to see Michael Jackson in concert.  Unless ... do you think Michael Jackson is in heaven?

Me: For sure!  (Awkward pause.)  Unless he molested those kids.  Then probably not.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The greatest text I have ever received

2:05 am.

Some morning in the not-so-distant past.

There is a little birdie in my garage and he wont fly and hes breathing hard.  I want to save him but im drunk.  :(

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Even more annoying than "There Is Sunshine In My Soul"*

I hate when you're in church, the teacher asks everyone to turn to a particular scripture reference ... and half a dozen people (or more) pull out their iPhones.


Now, I could leave it at that.  Those of you lucky enough to own an iPhone, but lame enough to have put a scripture app on it, would just think, "She's jealous her Blackberry has such a teeny screen."  The rest of you would nod, because you too have been playing Connect Four: Douchebag Edition in Sunday School.

But you all know how I love to belabor a point.

First of all, do you know how obnoxious it is for the teacher to have to look around and see a bunch of people staring at their phones?  Oh, but I suspect you do, which is why you pulled out the phone in the first place.  So you could smugly think, "I'm not really texting.  I'm getting my edification-on."  Or, when you are texting, "Everyone is so judgmental, just assuming that I'm texting when I could very well be looking at scriptures." (The fact that you are, indeed, texting is irrelevant to this analysis.)

Second -- and this may apply mostly to the singles ward hell to which I have belonged for eight long years, but still -- are you seriously going to advertise the fact that you can't afford your own place at the age of 29, have instead shoved five or six other people into a house in order to only pay $200 a month in rent ... but still have a Droid?  Not that there's anything wrong with materialism -- I love materialism, as you probably have surmised -- but folks.

Let's at least maintain a thin facade of anti-materialism at church, shall we?

* Fact: This is the world's most annoying hymn. 

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Someday -- hopefully tomorrow, actually -- I will manage to stay awake through an entire session of General Conference.

But jeez, their voices are just so soothing ... and I'm thinking, "I can close my eyes and still listen."  Then BOOM!  Closing song.

Off to the grocery store to buy a sixer of Red Bull.