Monday, December 20, 2010

So what's your childhood trauma?

I think sometimes you can really only conceptualize the weirdness of your own childhood when you've been out of high school a few years.  If you think about it when you're still a teenager, you just get angsty and whiny and who likes that?

TODITDRR (I've decided to abbreviate "The other day in the doc review room" from now on) we were discussing creepy movies we watched as kids.  I am convinced that while the cartoons of our generation completely own the anime crap kids watch now.  (When Alpha was about five, I took him to see Pokemon: The Movie! only to realize about ten minutes in that Pokemon is apparently about cock-fighting and slavery.)

However ... the movies?  In that regard I will give the win to this current kiddie generation.  When I think about the movies I watched as a kid, I am certain that my parents just aimlessly wandered into Cosmos Video (rent local, folks) and grabbed whatever was sitting on the CHILDREN shelf.

For example?  When I was a first grader, all I wanted for my birthday party was The Little Mermaid, which had come out to rent a few weeks before.  Unfortunately, my dad was in charge of getting the movie, and completely underestimating Little Mermaid-mania, went down to Cosmos the afternoon of my party to find all copies checked out.

He came back with a live-action version instead.  Where the mermaid dies at the end.

Yup, I was that kid.

I also watched Scruffy, where I learned about euthanasia for the first time.  The Last Unicorn, which to this day I am convinced is the kindergarten version of Requiem for a Dream.  

And I know that whiny bitches people complain a lot about environmental messages to kids in movies like Happy Feet and Wall-E, but seriously, I chalk up all my adult tree-huggy feelings to Samson and Sally.

If you haven't seen it, Samson and Sally is about a little sperm whale whose mother is killed by whalers.  Soon after, his home is destroyed by polluters, and Samson's whole pod has to swim under an oil slick without coming up for air.  Several whales are unable to do this, go up to early and get their blowholes clogged.  The other whales are forced to continue on whilst they choke to death and sink to the bottom of the ocean.

THEN (no, it's not over) Samson decides that he needs to seek out the legendary Moby Dick, who for some reason is all drunk and existential when Samson finds him.  (There may have been sharks, too, but I've blocked the rest from memory.)  Samson ultimately accepts the futility of his existence, and the movie ends.

But honestly, I don't blame my parents.  Who expects all that when you're looking at this?:

I'm pretty sure the drawings of the musical sea-creatures is a straight-up rip-off Little Mermaid, too.  I don't remember a single song number in that damn movie.  


  1. Hahahahah! I've never seen Samson & Sally, but I definitely feel like I need to now! I have other childhood traumas that would take like 5 days to cover, maybe later sometime. Great post! :)

  2. I was traumatized by Little Monsters and Arachnophobia. I used to jump onto my bed from a run because I was so scared a monster would grab me from beneath it.

  3. There was this movie called A Challenge to Be Free. It was about a trapper in Alaska or Canada someplace with snow and beavers. Anyway, he shot a member either the RCMP or Alaskan Highway Patrol because they were coming to check on him, because his slimy Eskimo neighbor reported him for illegal trapping, which he was not doing, the rest of the movie was him fleeing off into the wilds of the Canada/Alaska because he needed to be free from the murder he had committed. He never gets caught but ends up living in a cabin by the woods alone with a raccoon as his friend.

    Pretty sure it was produced by the NRA and the John Birch Society.

  4. Little Nemo (not to be confused with Finding Nemo) freaked me the hell out. I haven't been able to get my hands on a copy since growing up, though, so I don't know if it really was as frightening as I thought it was.