Wednesday, April 18, 2012

P is for prudish

I received an email from a guy on a dating website. (This is how my best stories start, and this one is the best of the best.)

He's a cross-dresser who wants to experiment with submissive/dominant role playing and wanted to know if I would be open to having him come over and clean my house while I yelled at him. "Nothing sexual," he insisted. "Just light degradation."

Not going to lie.  I considered it.

Realistically, given that Hannah and Diego enthusiastically offered to join in on the bossiness ("Scrub that sink! SCRUB IT!"), he could have gotten a lot out of the experience. And I would have gotten some sparkling floorboards.

Instead I just decided that the universe is telling me I am definitely not going to find love (or anything vaguely approximating love) online.

I've suspected this might be the case for some time now, but Bondage Barbie (hometown: Provo, Utah) just made it official.


  1. I don't even know what to say to that. Except, Bondage Barbie???

  2. LMAO.

    Seriously? Did you keep his number? Because my house could use a good cleaning, too.

  3. I can certainly understand considering it. That could be a great way to vent out some frustrations and get clear floors at the same time.


    Hmmm...there comes a time when "the sign" is given. Yeah, this may be the one for you :-)

  4. Sick. Delightfully Sick. Deliciously Sick. Thanks for this story! I tried online for one month before throwing my hands up in resignation and realizing that I actually have MUCH better luck in real life. But you don't get stories like this in real life. W-O-W.

  5. Gosh, I needed this story today. I'd also like his email addy. It seems that he asks so little in return. JUST KIDDING. ;)

  6. OMG. If I were a braver person I'd say yes just to get the house clean. It's hard for me to fathom how something like that turns someone on, and even getting to the point of asking someone to try it out.

    I hope that guy made a connection on Craigslist or something.

  7. Hahahahahaha! Oh online dating..... "just light degradation" The cleaning would be nice of course but I don't think I could even 'lightly' degrade someone!

  8. Hahaha that is the best. This story reminds me of a David Sedaris story (from Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, I think...) about when he worked for a cleaning service and someone mixed up his phone number with the erotic cleaning service number. He went on what he thought was a normal cleaning visit, and the dude was awkward and hit on him the entire time. Soooo awkward.

  9. OMG .... I wonder if he does yard work :) hahaha.

  10. People are creepy.

    But...does he do windows? Because I might be interested.

  11. Hi...I'm hopping over from the A to Z Challenge...lovely blog...good luck with the rest of the challenge...

    Donna L Martin

  12. Seriously? Why did I never have these people contact me when I was on the dating website.

    All I got was my husband... and he only cleans what he messes up.

  13. Awesome.

    I found love online. My sink is still dirty though. Now I'm thinking I should have held out a little.

    A-Z @ Elizabeth Twist

    1. Seriously. Juli and Elizabeth should tell their partners what they COULD have had. Get to scrubbin those sinks, folks!