Fun fact: I am very prone to nausea. Car rides, plane rides, a specific type of violence in movies (nope, not going to elaborate on what kind), carnival rides that go in a circle, heights ... basically, lots of things leave me feeling ill.
Another fun fact? Feeling vomity does not improve my math skills.
So when the craziest of all New York cabbies deposited me at La Guardia, I barely avoided throwing up all over my cute new book bag, shoved some money in his direction, stumbled out of the car ... and then, after I hauled my stuff through security, my brain caught up and I realized only I tipped my driver about 4%.
Balls.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
For reals, Jean-Pierre?
So I'm not one to use my blog to brag about my fabulous vacations (that's what Facebook is for), I must make a brief mention of my current adventures in the Big Apple.
New York is beautiful (albeit super smelly) and my Christmas spirit is officially off-the-charts.
But while I never thought I'd agree with Dwight Shrute about something, there are far too many people on this planet. We do need a new plague.
Also? This place is hella confusing. I'm staying with friends in the East Village, and I got turned around after getting off the subway tonight. (DC Metro OWNS New York Subway, fyi.) So I sought out a member of the fine NYPD and asked him which way was east.
I didn't ask for real directions. I didn't ask where a particular landmark was.
I just needed to know which way was EAST.
And this fine gentleman DIDN'T KNOW.
W.
T.
F.
New York is beautiful (albeit super smelly) and my Christmas spirit is officially off-the-charts.
But while I never thought I'd agree with Dwight Shrute about something, there are far too many people on this planet. We do need a new plague.
Also? This place is hella confusing. I'm staying with friends in the East Village, and I got turned around after getting off the subway tonight. (DC Metro OWNS New York Subway, fyi.) So I sought out a member of the fine NYPD and asked him which way was east.
I didn't ask for real directions. I didn't ask where a particular landmark was.
I just needed to know which way was EAST.
And this fine gentleman DIDN'T KNOW.
W.
T.
F.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
So close, yet so far ...
Does anyone else hear the opening notes of Under Pressure on the radio, and then get disappointed when it turns out it isn't Ice Ice Baby?
And I say this as someone who likes David Bowie and Queen.
And I say this as someone who likes David Bowie and Queen.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Conclusively awful Christmas songs
- Wonderful Christmastime, Paul McCartney
- Happy Christmas (War Is Over), John Lennon and Yoko Ono
(You, like me, may have made the mistake of thinking this song is called "So This Is Christmas." In any event, it's the creepy Christmas song with the creepy Christmas children's choir.)
- Last Christmas, Wham (and anyone who ever covered Wham - looking at you, Taylor Swift)
- Christmas Shoes, Newsong
Did I miss any?
Monday, December 6, 2010
Dilem
Christmas is coming, and my billable hours are nearly reached. (Woot!) As soon as I hit that sweet 1950, I am done working. I don't care if the world is getting ready to explode and the only thing that could stop it would be me filing an injunction against Terraforma Explosificus. STAYING HOME.* Sorry, fellow Earth-dwellers.
But here's my problem. Let's say I finish all my work this week, which I intend to. I am out next Monday and Tuesday to go to New York to visit various homies. I have an application for attorneys fees to finish Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (which I may actually be able to cram in this week), but then I am done for 2010.
Do I fly home that Friday (or Saturday, or Sunday, depending on how much time I just want to spend wallowing in my apartment, drinking Diet Coke and wearing fuzzy socks) ... or do I wait, and then drive home via Las Vegas to catch the Utes versus Boise matchup in the Maaco Bowl on December 22?
So torn.
* I know some lawyers get what is known as a "bonus" for going above and beyond. But the likelihood of me getting a bonus is low, the potential bonus would be relatively small, and therefore either way, I just don't care that much. YAY FOR MORE VACATION!
But here's my problem. Let's say I finish all my work this week, which I intend to. I am out next Monday and Tuesday to go to New York to visit various homies. I have an application for attorneys fees to finish Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (which I may actually be able to cram in this week), but then I am done for 2010.
Do I fly home that Friday (or Saturday, or Sunday, depending on how much time I just want to spend wallowing in my apartment, drinking Diet Coke and wearing fuzzy socks) ... or do I wait, and then drive home via Las Vegas to catch the Utes versus Boise matchup in the Maaco Bowl on December 22?
So torn.
* I know some lawyers get what is known as a "bonus" for going above and beyond. But the likelihood of me getting a bonus is low, the potential bonus would be relatively small, and therefore either way, I just don't care that much. YAY FOR MORE VACATION!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I don't like admitting this, but ...
... I think Battlestar Galactica may be too complicated for me to follow. I'm watching the very first episode, and I already have no frakking idea what is going on.
Other than the fact that the f-word apparently evolves in the future.
Other than the fact that the f-word apparently evolves in the future.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Here comes Santa Claus
Hey blog readers! In honor of the holiday season, I have three things for you: (1) A story, (2) A request, and (3) A suggestion.*
1. A story
Christmas kind of enrages me. Sad confession: When I was 15, I had a total meltdown at Christmas. If you ask Echo, Charlie or Alpha, this is because my parents had bought me a drumset that summer with the reminder that this would be my Christmas present, and then they stuck to it. (Pretty sure I got pajamas, and that was it.)
If you ask me, it was PARTLY because of the drumset fiasco, but MOSTLY because at 15, I had for the first time both the money and the inclination to get my family and friends thoughtful gifts. Watching my younger siblings tear open their presents from me, glance at them, and toss them aside in favor of opening more presents really set me off. (Even though, to his credit, Alpha was 3, and I probably should have guessed that even though he loved the Teletubby Collection I gave him -- all four dolls! -- he was still just 3. But hell, I was 15, and pretty self-absorbed. I guess I wanted him to send me a fingerpainted thank you card or something.)
But ever since that Christmas, a lot of the wonder of gift giving has kind of worn off. This is due, in no small part, to the fact that giving people presents now feels like a job. Sorority gift exchange! ($50 limit, gift cards accepted.) GUH.
And this is nothing compared to my family. A few weeks before Thanksgiving every year, Echo, Charlie and Alpha send me lists of stuff they want, and demand the same from me. Every year, I try to resist, and tell them to just buy me anything and I'll like it. Every year, their first-rate pestering abilities wear me down.
So about a week ago, I begrudgingly sent Charlie a list of some pretty wide-ranging stuff - movies, books, CDs, articles of clothing, accessories, games. I figured, the more stuff he had to choose from, the more likely it was that I would be at least semi-surprised. I told him to share the list with Echo and Alpha, and PLEASE, let it be a surprise from here on out.
One hour later, he texted me back:
What color socks?
Seriously, Charlie? YOU CAN'T PICK OUT SOCKS BY YOURSELF?
Ahem.
(See why I melted down on Drumset Christmas?)
2. A request
So at work we're doing a Sub for Santa Extravaganza. I say Extravaganza because when a law firm plans it, it's bound to get Out Of Control. Perhaps more on that later, perhaps not.
Anyway, one of my girls is 10 and wants a "bike or talking doll." I feel like these things are different enough that what she really means is "bike AND talking doll," but felt guilty writing it.
Here's the request, for readers out there with daughters/younger sisters/students/nieces of this age: What the hell talking doll do I get her? The bike is easy, it has ages right on the box. I have read that Mittens Fluff N Stuff is the Tickle Me Elmo of this year, but doesn't she seem a bit young for a 10 year old? Or is 10 young, and my sense of childhood age is skewed from reading Harry Potter? Plus, she doesn't talk.
There are all those baby dolls that talk, but they look cheap and seem like they're for younger kids. I refuse to get her a talking Bratz, because it offends my feminist sensibilities. (Honestly, what does a talking Bratz have to say for herself? "I can't wait for my welfare to come in!" and "My STD panel came back negative!") And a talking Jessie or Woody from Toy Story seems way too specific. If a kid wanted a talking Buzz Lightyear, wouldn't she have just said so?
Is there some awesome talking doll out there that I don't know about? Please help, I'm at a loss.
3. A suggestion
Every year to get in the holiday spirit, I read What Child Is This? by Caroline B. Cooney. (Yup, the lady who wrote The Face on the Milk Carton.) Is it cheesy and manipulative? Absolutely. Also adorable and heart-warming. Get on your library waiting lists now, people! (Or just buy it, since it's like $6, and you will love it for years to come.)
* You: Hey Blogwriter, those aren't really things for us. Number two is definitely a thing for you.
Me: Shut it.
1. A story
Christmas kind of enrages me. Sad confession: When I was 15, I had a total meltdown at Christmas. If you ask Echo, Charlie or Alpha, this is because my parents had bought me a drumset that summer with the reminder that this would be my Christmas present, and then they stuck to it. (Pretty sure I got pajamas, and that was it.)
If you ask me, it was PARTLY because of the drumset fiasco, but MOSTLY because at 15, I had for the first time both the money and the inclination to get my family and friends thoughtful gifts. Watching my younger siblings tear open their presents from me, glance at them, and toss them aside in favor of opening more presents really set me off. (Even though, to his credit, Alpha was 3, and I probably should have guessed that even though he loved the Teletubby Collection I gave him -- all four dolls! -- he was still just 3. But hell, I was 15, and pretty self-absorbed. I guess I wanted him to send me a fingerpainted thank you card or something.)
But ever since that Christmas, a lot of the wonder of gift giving has kind of worn off. This is due, in no small part, to the fact that giving people presents now feels like a job. Sorority gift exchange! ($50 limit, gift cards accepted.) GUH.
And this is nothing compared to my family. A few weeks before Thanksgiving every year, Echo, Charlie and Alpha send me lists of stuff they want, and demand the same from me. Every year, I try to resist, and tell them to just buy me anything and I'll like it. Every year, their first-rate pestering abilities wear me down.
So about a week ago, I begrudgingly sent Charlie a list of some pretty wide-ranging stuff - movies, books, CDs, articles of clothing, accessories, games. I figured, the more stuff he had to choose from, the more likely it was that I would be at least semi-surprised. I told him to share the list with Echo and Alpha, and PLEASE, let it be a surprise from here on out.
One hour later, he texted me back:
What color socks?
Seriously, Charlie? YOU CAN'T PICK OUT SOCKS BY YOURSELF?
Ahem.
(See why I melted down on Drumset Christmas?)
2. A request
So at work we're doing a Sub for Santa Extravaganza. I say Extravaganza because when a law firm plans it, it's bound to get Out Of Control. Perhaps more on that later, perhaps not.
Anyway, one of my girls is 10 and wants a "bike or talking doll." I feel like these things are different enough that what she really means is "bike AND talking doll," but felt guilty writing it.
Here's the request, for readers out there with daughters/younger sisters/students/nieces of this age: What the hell talking doll do I get her? The bike is easy, it has ages right on the box. I have read that Mittens Fluff N Stuff is the Tickle Me Elmo of this year, but doesn't she seem a bit young for a 10 year old? Or is 10 young, and my sense of childhood age is skewed from reading Harry Potter? Plus, she doesn't talk.
There are all those baby dolls that talk, but they look cheap and seem like they're for younger kids. I refuse to get her a talking Bratz, because it offends my feminist sensibilities. (Honestly, what does a talking Bratz have to say for herself? "I can't wait for my welfare to come in!" and "My STD panel came back negative!") And a talking Jessie or Woody from Toy Story seems way too specific. If a kid wanted a talking Buzz Lightyear, wouldn't she have just said so?
Is there some awesome talking doll out there that I don't know about? Please help, I'm at a loss.
3. A suggestion
Every year to get in the holiday spirit, I read What Child Is This? by Caroline B. Cooney. (Yup, the lady who wrote The Face on the Milk Carton.) Is it cheesy and manipulative? Absolutely. Also adorable and heart-warming. Get on your library waiting lists now, people! (Or just buy it, since it's like $6, and you will love it for years to come.)
* You: Hey Blogwriter, those aren't really things for us. Number two is definitely a thing for you.
Me: Shut it.
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