Welp. I guess this is a thing that happens now.

My friend Lulu and I went to a movie this weekend. (No, I'm not going to say which one. Not relevant.)*

The main character came on the screen and I thought, "Huh, he's kind of got a weird face."

And then a few seconds later, I thought, "No. That dude is stupid hot."

A scene after that, I leaned over to Lulu. "Is that guy strangely attractive, or is it just me?"

"Not just you," she whispered back. "He's really hot. Like ... really hot."

For the rest of the movie, we whispered back and forth about the fine attributes of this gentleman. His hair. His shoulders. Forearms. Biceps. Jawline. Profile. DUDE HAD A HOT NECK, for crying out loud.

At one point he had to change his shirt, and I swear we both held our breaths.

After the movie was over, I IMDB'd it, as I am wont to do. I clicked on the name of the actor, since I'd never heard of him before. And then gasped.

"Dude!"

"What?"

"The hot guy is 51 years old!"

"WHAT?! No..."

"Yes. Seriously. Fifty-one."

And that was when I realized it.

I** was officially old.






* (Moderately shameful.)

** I am saying "I" here because I am not willing to make this statement for Lulu.

But seriously. There is nothing that really hammers the "YOU'RE THIRTY, DUMMY!" message home like realizing you're apparently attracted to 51 year olds.

pitch wars

I love lurking on writing contests.

I always read the entries on Mother.Write and Miss Snark's First Victim. I follow the #pitmad hashtags, curious to see which friends are getting favorited by which agents. I even entered a couple, long ago, with my now-shelved, possibly-someday-to-be-self-published (but probably not, because I'm not sure I have the stomach for it) romantic comedy.

Since that old manuscript, I've written two more books. One we shall not speak of for many months to come (for ... reasons ...) and one that I hope to begin querying this fall.

I've been revising, thanks to some excellent CP feedback, and while there are still a few things I need to smooth over, I am spending my evening searching through Pitch Wars mentor bios. I'm probably jinxing myself by mentioning it, but this post will prevent me from later chickening out.

Anyone else thinking of Pitch Wars-ing it? Let's strategize together.

And now, a summertime party pic.

Because I love my porch.

Can we talk about DANGEROUS GIRLS?

What was up with the ending to Dangerous Girls?

I know I am late on the Abigail Haas train, but I started (and finished) Dangerous Girls last night and I must talk about the ending!

So if you have read Dangerous Girls, let's discuss it in the comments. (WARNING: There will obviously be spoilers.)

And if you have not read Dangerous Girls, what are you waiting for? GET IT and then let's talk about it!

About Dangerous Girls:


It’s Spring Break of senior year. Anna, her boyfriend Tate, her best friend Elise, and a few other close friends are off to a debaucherous trip to Aruba that promises to be the time of their lives.

But when Elise is found brutally murdered, Anna finds herself trapped in a country not her own, fighting against vile and contemptuous accusations. As Anna sets out to find her friend’s killer, she discovers harsh revelations about her friendships, the slippery nature of truth, and the ache of young love.

Awaiting the judge’s decree, it becomes clear to Anna that everyone around her thinks she is not only guilty, but also dangerous. And when the whole story comes out, reality is more shocking than anyone could ever imagine...

What's up?

Lately I am ...

Revising one book

Outlining another

Watching Project Runway (I think Charketa is going to be my favorite, but we will see)

Reading Alias Hook, Dangerous Girls, Elizabeth is Missing, and Will Grayson, Will Grayson

(it's been a binge)

Trying to think of the next vacation

(I've been to San Francisco to visit college friends and Zions with the roommates* this summer, but the travel fever rages on)

* Yeah, Hannah moved out last year. SHE WILL ALWAYS BE A ROOMMATE TO ME.

What have you guys been up to?

Blessed from heaven above, it's the land that we love

Last week my home state celebrated Pioneer Day, the anniversary of the Mormon pioneers arriving in the Salt Lake valley and beginning the settlement of the intermountain west. Some Utahns celebrate it by going to the parade, some Utahns celebrate it by going to the pool, and some Utahns celebrate it by drinking beer and eating pie (Pioneer Day = PieNBeer Day, get it?)

I like a little combination of those things. I spent the morning at the community pool, helped bake a couple of pies (paprika peach and blueberry-nectarine), and then I want to my friend Roger's house for a BBQ. Roger throws the best patriotic BBQs because he lives next door to some meth heads who build their own fireworks. It can make for some beautiful, awe-inspiring, totally terrifying entertainment.

After grilling, we all walked over to Liberty Park to watch the city-sponsored fireworks, and is our wont, Diego and I began singing, "Utah: This Is The Place." The official state song of the state of Utah.

The thing about the Utah state song is that it is terrible. Definitively, objectively, completely terrible. With lines like, "Utah, what a great place to be!" (seriously), it is definitely no "Deep In The Heart of Texas." But as children of the 80s, Diego and I were both in elementary school during the Utah Statehood Centennial, which meant we were in Centennial Pageants, which meant we learned the song.

At my elementary school, we spent a good month preparing for the pageant, which celebrated Utah through the decades of statehood. I performed a modified foxtrot to "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree" and pranced around aimlessly with a neon streamer to Kool and the Gang's "Celebrate." And yes, I was pissed, because I wanted to be put in the 1950s swing section of the pageant and be flung around like the girls whose parents put them in gymnastics and ballet as toddlers, but alas, I was a terribly uncoordinated 12-year-old and could only be trusted with the simplest of athletic feats. ARE YOU SHOCKED?

At the end of the pageant, we all sang "Utah: This Is The Place" as our parents glanced at each other, like, "This is really the state song? Like ... really?"

I am convinced, based solely on the number of friends who are roughly my age who all remember the lyrics, and the unadulterated confusion that crosses the face of anyone younger than 27ish and older then 31ish when they hear lines like, "New technology's here, growing faster each year!" that Centennial Pageants were made mandatory statewide in 1996, and then no one ever heard the state song again.

So Diego and I were sitting on the grass, belting out gems like, "Utah! With it's focus on family!" and all around us, late-twenty-and-early-thirty-somethings were joining in, like, "Yes! I remember!" But older people glared at us, as if we were making fun of Utah, WHEN IN FACT WE WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO KNEW THE WORDS TO OUR OWN STATE SONG.

Normally, I strongly frown on people who sing in public, particularly those who are good. For some reason, a good singer singing in public is so much more cringey than a bad singer. Don't ask me to explain it, it's just science.

However, there is and always will be an exception for anyone who knows the words to "Utah: This Is the Place." That, you should belt out loud and proud, and then let me know if your elementary school mandated costumes for your pageant or not. (We all wore plain white tees so they could cut the lights and then project colorful pictures of Utah state scenery on us, which I am positive would not really work, what about you?)

And now, in honor of Pioneer Day, I leave you with the lyrics to the Utah state song.

Yes, these really are the lyrics.

Utah! People working together
Utah! What a great place to be.
Blessed from Heaven above.
It's the land that we love.
This is the place!

Utah! With its mountains and valleys.
Utah! With its canyons and streams.
You can go anywhere.
But there's none that compare.
This is the place!

(The key change is a little tricky here. You also slow it down a titch.)

It was Brigham Young who led the pioneers across the plains.
They suffered with the trials they had to face.
With faith they kept on going till they reached the Great Salt Lake
Here they heard the words..."THIS IS THE PLACE!"

(In case you were wondering, yes, you yell THIS IS THE PLACE! And then you switch back to the original key and pep it up again.)

Utah! With its focus on family,
Utah! Helps each child to succeed.
People care how they live.
Each has so much to give.
This is the place!

Utah! Getting bigger and better.
Utah! Always leading the way.
New technology's here...
Growing faster each year.
This is the place!

(Second key change) 

There is beauty in the snow-capped mountains, in the lakes and streams.
There are valleys filled with farms and orchards too.
The spirit of its people shows in everything they do.
Utah is the place where dreams come true.

(Based on the fact that these are official lyrics, and "where dreams come true" is not in all-caps, I don't think you're supposed to yell that part. But oh, we definitely yelled it back in sixth grade.)

Utah! With its pioneer spirit.
Utah! What a great legacy!
Blessed from Heaven above.
It's the land that we love.
This is the place

Utah! Utah! Utah! (get progressively higher and shriller here)
THIS IS THE PLACE!

Nonsense

You've seen it, haven't you?

That article telling adults they should be ashamed of themselves for reading kid-lit?

Of course you've seen it, it blew up your Twitter feed. I don't need to link to it here, even if I wanted to. 

So I wanted to briefly (in my traditional, long-winded style) address some of my complaints about said article. After ranting on Facebook, I figured I might as well take it to the streets. Step-Up style!

This is my main beef with that article: the idea that anyone "should" feel "shame" about anything they like doing. 

For example, I think competitive sports and video games are also primarily for children. Personally, I do not find them to be that enjoyable as an adult.

That doesn't mean I think adults who join Ultimate Frisbee leagues or play Red Dead Redemption should be ashamed of themselves. ("You idiots could be DEBATING THE STATE OF THE REPUBLIC or SAVING THE PLANET like GROWNUPS, why are you throwing that tiny plastic circle around for your petty enjoyment!?!")

The author followed up on Twitter by saying that she didn't think there was anything wrong with guilty pleasures, so long as there WAS guilt. But why should people feel guilty or ashamed about something they like? Are we that Puritanical? By the by, when a Mormon is telling you you're being too Puritanical, you've crossed a line. Again, perhaps we should all go throw eggs at the ComicCon attendees, just so they feel the appropriate amount of shame at doing something they love?

Furthermore, I just think the article is demeaning to young people and children. The premise is that adults should be ashamed of reading children's lit (primarily children's lit AIMED AT GIRLS, not that we're going to acknowledge the implicit sexism of the article) because it is less intellectual than adult literature. But it's okay for kids (mainly girls) to read it instead of adult lit because ...why? Kids (cough: teen girls) are dumb? That a 16 year old is incapable of the intellectual achievements of a 20 year old? Follow the argument to the logical conclusion and NO ONE should read books for kids, not even kids. They should go straight from Dick and Jane to The Iliad -- which, in fact, is how kids historically learned to read, and didn't we live in a fantastically intellectual society in the 1930s? (Spoiler alert: No, we did not. There were a lot more Joads than Ftizgeralds, if you know what I mean. Which if you read YA, you're an idiot and you don't, because no one ever has enjoyed both The Grapes of Wrath and Anna and the French Kiss. EVER.)

Then there's the fact that her argument applies to genre fiction as well. She doesn't come right out and say it, but under her standard, shouldn't people who like Elmore Leonard and George RR Martin and Stephen King also be "ashamed" of themselves? It's not literary fiction, after all. In fact, maybe we should pull out the old "approved reading" list from high school, just so we make sure no one crosses the line from high to low brow. (Is Jonathan Tropper approved or not? Well, he makes you laugh, so better not read him ... just in case. Laughter is for the simple-minded.)

But my biggest beef is that this is Slate, the publication that features a series called "You're Doing It Wrong," designed solely to tell people they suck at doing things like eating watermelon.
 
The whole point of Slate is to condescend and take the contrary position. And yet somehow they managed to get us all fired up anyway.

So don't go read that article! It's just click bait.

Instead, read one of these:

Code Name Verity (Elizabeth Wein)

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown (Holly Black)

Fangirl (Rainbow Rowell)

Catcher in the Rye (JD Salinger)

My Life After Now (Jessica Verdi)

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks (E. Lockhart)

To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)

Lola and the Boy Next Door (Stephanie Perkins)

Hemlock Grove (Brian McGreevy)

The Forest of Hands and Teeth (Carrie Ryan)

Looking for Alaska (John Green) 

They may be about kids and written for kids, but I promise, they're at least as good as The Da'Vinci Code.

Writers on writing

My CP Melanie Stanford tagged me in a "Writers on Writing" blog chain that asks writers about their different writing processes. So here we go.

What Are You Working On?
As I've mentioned before, I have a bad habit of starting many things but only finishing few of them. Right now I am revising a project called STARRY NIGHT (working title) about four friends who are going to prom. I am also drafting a new adult novel about a Congressman's daughter who finds herself in a scandal and has to revamp her image through community service. There's also a hot reporter, because duh, new adult.

I am also working on getting copyright permissions for an old project. (Shhh, more information on that one to come.)

What Makes Your Work Different?
I'm not sure this makes me different, per se, but what I want more than anything is to make readers laugh. Whether I'm writing a romance, contemporary, or that thriller that's been on the back burner for ages, my main goal is to make someone who is reading my book laugh in public. 

Why Do You Write What You Do?
Little known fact about me: I write mainstream and LDS fiction. When I was 12, I got my first Jack Weyland book and my mind was blown that there were books about Mormon kids. I tore through every book the LDS fiction market had to offer. Was there a lot of cheese? Oh my, yes. SO MUCH CHEESE. But I loved the idea of writing for a market that never sees themselves reflected in pop culture unless it's on South Park. (Not that I don't love South Park.)

So my goal with LDS fiction is to write something that is realistic (read: not cheesy), but still solidly PG rated. Trust me, if you have a gift for the potty mouth (which I do), it's a lot harder than it looks.

And then on the mainstream side of things? I just worry about writing a good story, and good stories about regular people usually involve swearing and sex and sometimes violence. But I still have a vague idea about what does and doesn't fly for me. I don't write gratuitous violence, mostly because it is almost never necessary, and also because I don't see the point of making the world (even a fictional part of the world) more depressing than it already is. And a full-blown, euphemisms-for-anatomical-parts sex scene? Not going to happen in one of my stories, I am afraid. (PG-13 references? That's fine.) And for the record, that rule is less about general prude-ishness, and more about being risk-averse. I personally find that 90% of the time, explicit sex scenes in fiction are more awkward than sexy, and those are odds I don't want to gamble on. FADE TO BLACK FOR THE WIN.

Gratuitous swearing, though? That's fine, as a long as it's funny. (See above, goal of making people laugh at inopportune moments.)

What's Your Writing Process?
I tend to write in bursts, like 4,000 words in a day. Then I can't help but tinker with those words, and then probably let a week go by when I can't think of what comes next. However, I have started a new trick that has helped immensely -- when I get stuck, I just leave a blank and skip to the next part where I know what happens. I'm a loose outliner, but I tend to pants beginnings and then go back and figure out what ought to happen.

Basically, my system isn't great, but it's the only one I've got ;)

Who am tagging to post next? Why, all of you lovely writers out there, of course.