My new greatest fear

Went to lunch with my friend Sally today.  She told me a story she'd recently been told about a lawyer who CRIED at a mediation.  In front of the mediator.  In front of the client.  In front of opposing counsel.  In front of all the angels in heaven. 

When Sally expressed her disbelief at such an event, the attorneys around her shrugged.

"Oh, Sal," they said.  "It happens.  I'd be surprised if you didn't cry in a mediation someday, too."

Uh ...

What?

Sally and I were stunned.  Is that a common thing?  Lawyers ... crying?  Why did no one mention this in law school?  Why haven't we been practicing watching Sofie's Choice dry-eyed for the last three years, if that's the case?

I swear on all that is holy: If I ever cry during a mediation, negotiation, deposition, court hearing, trial, or other legal proceeding, I will promptly excuse myself and quit being a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. 

If there's no crying in baseball, there sure as hell should be no crying in the practice of law. 

Addendum

Echo, upon reading the previous post: I don't think you look like Joan Cusack.  I think you look like Michelle Trachtenberg.

Which led to us googling pictures of Michelle Trachtenberg in an effort to confirm or dispel.

Echo: You know, she's not very cute.


Thanks, sis.

Celebrity Look-Alikes

My friend Sally gets told that she looks like Cameron Diaz.

My sister Echo has been told she looks like Megan Fox.

I dated a guy whose sister was always told she looked like Sandra Bullock.

In fact, it was immediately after announcing that YET ANOTHER guy had complimented her Sandra Bullock-like looks, she frowned at me, and said, "You know who you look like?"

Me: (internally) Don't say it ...

Her: Joan Cusack!

Yes, for some reason, friends and strangers alike have found it necessary to compare me to Joan Cusack--the middle aged actress of "playing Kate Hudson's older sister in Raising Helen" fame.

Thanks.

In fact, today I was at lunch with Diego and Nelson after a church-extravaganza (Mormonism! Unitarianism!) and the manager of Noodles and Co. interrupted us to ask me if anyone had compared me to John Cusack's baby sister.


I'm not saying Joan Cusack isn't talented.  I'm not saying she isn't likeable.  (She totally is, on both scores.)  I'm not even saying she isn't cute, in her own way.  I'm just saying, if I had to be compared to someone, I'd prefer a little wild exaggeration.  (Kate Winslet!  I could easily be the wacked out Kate Winslet in Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.)  Or at least someone my own age.  (Trudy from Mad Men!  OK, I'm clearly not as polished, but if you take off your glasses so your vision gets blurry ...)





(I will say that, sensing I was in a bad mood, Diego promptly reminded me that people compare him to Dame Judi Dench.

That helps.

A little.)

Bangs

You know how you read classic Greek literature, and you feel like screaming, "No, no!  Can't you see that's your dramatic flaw!!?!?!?  Why can't you stop doing that?" 

That's like me and getting bangs.  Every time I think my hair is getting boring, I think, "Oooooh, bangs will be a nice change!"  And then for the first few days after the haircut, I think, "Oooh, these are fun!" 

And then inevitably, I remember that I like the first week of bangs, but I lack the fortitude to (1) get them trimmed on a regular basis or (2) do them in the morning, and therefore I should not have bangs.

People, it takes a loooooooong time to grow them out to manageable levels.  Believe me--girls with fat faces (I believe the term fashion magazines use is "round") should not be seen mid-bang-grow-out.  It's tragic.   

Anyway, have a hair appointment to cut myself some bangs this afternoon, wish me luck!

New To-Do List

So remember when I was going to read all the books listed in Beowulf on the Beach?  Guh.  That project is still going, but there's a reason why those books were ALREADY the books I've struggled to read.  Madame Bovary?  More like Madame BORE-vary. 

(Yeah, that's the level my humor is at today.)

So I decided a new list would be in order, and for some reason thought A-Z would be the way to go, even though finding a book starting with "X" is basically impossible.  A list of books that are good, but hopefully not blow-your-brains-out-before-finishing-good.  A list of books that I haven't yet read, want to read, and yes, have occassionally faked having read in the past.

Suggestions are gladly welcomed. 

Any thoughts on the following?

A – All The King's Men

B – The Book Thief

C – The Corrections (Was also considering Cold Mountain ... hopefully eventually I'll get to both, but one has to make the list!  It's an arbitrary rule I've come up with!)

D – David Copperfield (Or Dreaming In Hindi?  I feel like I can't go wrong with Oprah, and David Copperfield is already on the Beowulf on the Beach list ... though that will mean finishing Madame Bovary...)

E – Empire Falls (Or Even Cowgirls Get the Blues?  I feel like The Corrections AND Empire Falls might be a bit much, considering C and E are so close together.)

F – The Fountainhead (Even though Ayn Rand is basically a Nazi who admired serial killers and fittingly died alone ... yes, I feel the need to read The Fountainhead.  Even if I know I will probably just hate it.)

G – A Game of Thrones (Thanks Eric!)

H – Howl’s Moving Castle

I – Into Thin Air

J – The Joy Luck Club

K – K (For realsies.  It's about Kafka, who I love, but I worry that K might be where I get bogged down on my goal ... so new K nominations would be appreciated.)

L – The Little Prince

M – The Maze Runner

N – Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

O – The Old Man and the Sea

P – Pillars of the Earth

Q – The Quick and the Dead

R – The Road

S – The Shack (or Snow Falling on Cedars?)

T – Team of Rivals

U – The Unbearable Lightness of Being

V – V for Vendetta

W – The World According to Garp

X – ***

Y – Yiddish Policeman’s Union (I've only read half of this, so it can still make the list.  And to everyone saying, "R, you've always said you always finish books -- except for It -- have you been lying?"  I say, "No, but I was in the middle of YPU last summer during the Great Roommate Fire Incident of 2008, so I was too distracted by looming homelessness to finish.") 

Z – Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Can't we just send them some maps???

Last week in church, my cousin gave a lesson on the Martin-Willey handcart companies. For those who don’t know, the Martin and Willey handcart companies were two groups in a series of handcart pioneers. They started the journey too late in the year and were only in Wyoming when winter came. Starvation, hypothermia, exhaustion -- in old-timey clothes and shoes which are a far cry from waterproof, fur-lined boots and Goretex coats.




When word reached Salt Lake that the companies were lost out on the plains, Brigham Young called for a massive rescue effort. On October 7, the first rescue party left Salt Lake City with 16 wagonloads of food and supplies. More rescue parties followed. Even with a rescue effort, more than 210 of the 980 handcart pioneers died along the way. Many of the survivors had to have limbs, fingers and toes amputated due to the frostbite.



In Mormon culture, the story of the Martin and Willey handcart companies is nothing short of legendary. Kids are told about the bravery of the rescuers their whole lives, particularly the story of the young men who carried the pioneers across the icy Sweetwater River. A slightly lesser-known aspect to the story, but no less important, is that after the emigrants finally made it to Salt Lake, those who had already settled in the valley took them in and cared for them for months.



This was no minor act of charity. This was about hundreds of people who had ALREADY risked their lives crossing the plains once doing it again, under the worst possible conditions. This was about people who were already just barely eking out an existence opening their homes to strangers.



You know what none of those rescuers said?



They got themselves into this mess, and now they have to live with the consequences.



I worked hard to get across the plains, and helping them will be giving them a free ride.



And my personal fave: If we go rescue them, they'll never learn to cross the plains themselves.

And another thing

Bless you, day lights saving time.

Bless you.