Monday, July 8, 2013

Won't you be my neighbor? Part 1

Things have not been going so smoothly around the Casa De Diego, Hannah, and Ru lately.

For the last 3 - 4 weeks, the weeds in our yard have gotten out of control. I don't wish to downplay this in any way -- we've honestly joked about them becoming sentient, overrunning the house, and killing us for our worldly goods.

I don't know exactly what happened. We spent one weekend meticulously caring for the yard and it looked (briefly) awesome.

And then all three of us got crazy busy at work.

And then Diego left for a week-long vacation.

And then Hannah did, too.

And I spent a few days taking off work to write.

And the next thing you knew, the weeds were the size of a kindergartener. It was the worst it has ever been - they literally sprang up over EVERY SQUARE FOOT of lawn, killing every other plant and rising up like a botanical horde ready to invade Russia.

So Diego and I made plans to attack the yard during the long July 4th weekend. We knew it was going to be ugly, but we also knew it had to be done.

On July 3rd, Diego weeded half the yard while I was at work.

On July 5th, I was putting on my own yard-workin clothes when I got a knock at the door from the postman -- certified mail. 

One of my neighbors (you may remember her from this story) had reported us to the city for violating the weed ordinance. We had seven days to remove all the weeds or be fined several hundred dollars, and that one letter would be our only warning of the calendar year. If the weeds ever grow over 6 inches between now and December 31st, the city will swoop in, cut that weed down for us, and send us a bill for their services, plus a fine.

To say that I blew a gasket would be understating things.

I raged to Diego about how I didn't want to give our neighbor the satisfaction of watching us weed -- I would weed in the dark of the night, damnit! I would wake up at 7 AM every Saturday and Sunday to weed-wack, edge, and mow, just for the satisfaction of depriving her of sleeping in!

Because while I acknowledge that my yard was, yes, truly hideous for almost a month, I just don't see why someone would leap straight to informing the authorities.

Although, considering the source, I suppose it does make sense.

This particular neighbor is a grade-A busybody, and I have tried for nearly two years to please her. She doesn't like Hannah and I walking our dogs by her house. (She lives two doors down, which means we have to walk across the street then back across the street to get home.) She doesn't want the dogs peeing on the parking strip near her house -- which, to be clear, is not part of her property. She doesn't like anyone parking in front of her house, even though she has a carport. She will put her trashcans out two days early to prevent people from being able to get a spot. She spies on her neighbors and then brags about it. She has told Hannah that our neighborhood used to be a nice neighborhood, but it's really gone to hell in the last few years. (The only people to move in during the last few years are ... us.)

This woman has yelled at me, Diego, Hannah, Hannah's boyfriend, and various other friends who visit our house at least a dozen times. And each time, I try to find a way to accommodate her craziness.

No more. You know how Spencer has to pee between 6 and 8 times a day?

Guess where he's going to be doing it from now until the end of time.


  1. ugh, I hate neighbors like that. they really ruin the whole good-feely times for others. I had a neighbor call the city on us as well when our lawn mower died and we couldn't mow it for a couple of weeks. So annoying.

  2. Isn't it a violation to have the garbage cans out on the street for too long? Maybe you need to report that to the proper authorities...

  3. I swear we have the same neighbor. I've been sorely tempted to let Sparky (My Springer-Spaniel, not Chevy Chase) claim a certain neighbor's yard has his own.

  4. Why people care about the state of other people's yards and lawns is beyond me. But actually telling on you? That woman needs to get a life! What is this? Grade school? I would have honestly had a rage fit, if that happened to me. Freaking ridiculous! Report her for something, like that trash thing lol

  5. Yeah, definitely report the trash cans. If you don't strike back, she will think she can keep on messing with you. She needs to be put in her place.

  6. Oh I would love to make her life hell....

  7. I will never understand how people become THAT bitter.