I know, right? First Taylor Swift and now our beloved undecided voters? I'm really on a roll this week.
Have you seen the recent SNL video lampooning undecided voters? I think it sums up our current situation well. I won't embed it here, since I don't want to get sued, but let me give you a few examples of the undecided's "tough" questions:
"When is the election?"
"What are the names of the two people running? And be specific."
"How long is a president's term of office?"
"What happens if the president dies? Has anyone thought about that?"
Undecided voters, what is your deal? I saw it suggested on the facebooks yesterday that those who are undecided aren't stupid, they're merely waiting to be presented with a "viable" candidate.
Pardon my French, but ... whuthf? (That's the sound I think WTF would make it you sounded it out instead of saying all the letters.)
There are two viable candidates to vote for. Two! And a few never-gonna-wins for good measure! And I hate to break it to you, undecideds, but even those of us who HAVE made up our minds are rarely 100% confident in their choice. This go around, I am roughly 62% confident, to be honest, but guess what? That will have to be good enough.
Because your choices are not to wait indefinitely for the candidate that gives you both the warm fuzzies and the naughty tingles. You are not shopping for a wedding dress or trying to decide what to watch on cable, there will not be infinite choices. There will be two choices, and after November 6th, there will be none.
Your choice is the same as the rest of us: pick the candidate that seems like he's the better fit for what you want. Not the ideal fit or the perfect fit or even the best fit -- just the better of two options. And as we all learned from Sesame Street and law school, "better" is a subjective term and it does not especially have to equate to "good." It just has to be more-good or less-bad than any other option.
Is that not enough choice for you? Well, here's your third choice (and despite what MTV might tell you, it is perfectly viable):
Yup. If you want to hold out for the perfect candidate, just feel free to not vote. Remove the shackles of the "undecided voter" label, and proudly announce that you are a non-voter. There is nothing wrong with refusing to participate in an institution if you genuinely believe the institution itself is irredeemably flawed.
Don't let people trick you into thinking that you have now shirked your civic duty. If your conscience says you can support neither Kang nor Kodos, then do not lend them your support at all. Be a silent, conscientious objector.
Just don't, for the love, continue to call yourself an undecided voter. You've had more than a year to make this decision. If you can't make it, or at the very least stand on principle and refuse to make it, that doesn't make you wiser or more independent or more discerning than the rest of us.
It just makes you more impractical.