Thursday, November 3, 2011

the fabulous world of online dating

Tell me if any variation of the following sounds familiar:

I like to stay in shape and have a lot of respect for people that also have the discipline to make that a priority in their lives.

Because I see it constantly on guys' profiles out in online dating world. 

Tell me if you think it would be ok for me to write the following:

"I like to make a lot of money and I have a lot of respect for people that also have the discipline to make the dolla-dolla bills a priority in their lives." 

Probably not, am I right?

Gentlemen, just a few thoughts.

1. If you want to write "No fatties," just write "no fatties."  You're not sounding less shallow because you fancied it up; in fact, you kind of sound worse.  Refer to Point 2 for an explanation.

2. A "priority"?  Seriously, a priority?  When I think of my "priorities," they include family, friends, Spence, my job, keeping up my house, saving money, reading, writing, traveling, volunteer work, cultural experiences ... the list goes on.  Nowhere on that list will you find GOING TO THE GYM.  But neither will you find NAPPING or WASHING MY HAIR or IRONING or OIL CHANGES.  Why?  

Because those things aren't priorities for anyone normal--they are things you just do.  If you're confused about this, please google the word "priority."  Or go watch Keeping the Faith and focus on the scene where Ben Stiller and Edward Norton explain that "jogging is not a skill."

I could go on and on about other funny things I've seen on profiles (like the guy with immaculately sculpted facial hair who declared he was looking for a woman who was "exceptionally intelligent and physically stunning" -- enough said), but I should probably work on this "NaNoWriMo" thing I signed up for.

Because I start a lot of projects and I have a lot of respect for people who have the discipline to make starting projects a priority in their lives.


  1. You crack me up Ru! Total Humpty-Dumpty crack me up. I agree with you though, I would respect a guy more and skip the rest of his profile quickly if he simply said no fatties, because I respect people who make it a priority not to waste people's time.

  2. I have a few friends doing NaNoWriMo. Good luck!
    As far as fitness being a priority, I guess I'm not understanding. Do you mean the vanity of being physically perfect?
    Because fitness is a HUGE priority in my life. Even if I don't make it to the gym, I have to exercise 6 days per week. I let my health get out of control about 7 years ago and I NEED to make those things a priority unless I want my future kidlings crying on their beds to their fathers like I did saying, "I don't want my mom to not know her grandchildren just because she liked food." I'm just your average-sized gal, but health is a daily commitment in my life.
    You are right, however, I always shuffle that around in the day to accommodate more important things like friends, family, and work.

    Long-winded, just wanted to make sure I understood!

  3. I signed up for an internet dating site once, and then they matched me with my friends father in law and that was the end of that for me. I wish you better luck in your endeavors to find love online. (please don't think I'm a creeper, I followed a post you put on MCB and head over heels with your blog.)

  4. Larissa - I'm also taking crap for my sister on this issue, so I should clarify. :)

    I take issue with the vanity angle mostly -- if the best thing about yourself is the fact that you go to the gym (as evidenced by that being the main thing you talked about on your dating profile), then you need to live a more well-rounded life. Then to add it to your list of "requirements" for someone else seems even more over-the-top.

    But also I have a minor issue with the general concept of fitness-in-and-of-itself a "priority." Of course everyone should take good care of themselves, but I just think that saying, "Eating right and working out is a priority" is kind of like saying, "Paying my bills is a priority" or "Brushing and flossing are priorities." Most people either already do it or know they should be doing it.

    That's why I compared it to making money -- ideally, everyone should *want* to make plenty of money to support themselves, but that's no reason to talk about it. There are a lot of things that are *important* to me (my credit score, recycling, proper car maintenance, for instance) that I would never consider "priorities."

    To be clear -- I'm definitely not ripping on going to the gym or eating right. Those are very important things and people should value them. But I think people who call things like health and good credit "priorities" on a dating site are just being disingenuous because what they REALLY want to say are "hotness and wealth" are priorities.

  5. Angela - thanks!

    Crystal - nice to meet you. Never fear, I've found a lot of people via MCB. :)

  6. People are so funny. My sister has had some amazing things said to her. "Hey baby, you want to go out for a lobster dinner? I'll treat you real nice." LOL.
    Thanks for the laugh.

  7. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!

    Seriously, couldn't have said it better myself.

  8. Are you on Plenty of Fish? I have a couple of friends using it right now and honestly, I can't get enough of some of these profiles. It's like myspace on crack.

  9. Abby - Oh, it's definitely Plenty of Fish. And "Myspace on crack" is the most accurate description I've ever heard for it.

  10. Hahaha "jogging is not a skill." I love it.

    Also, people get so weird about their dating expectations. It's fascinating.
    I'm not saying settle, but I think a lot more "I'd like to find someone who would be an awesome life partner and is generally responsible" is what this world needs, and less "going to the gym should be a priority."

  11. Oh wow. I can't believe people would- Alright, yeah. I believe people would write that. Sad as it seems. If the gym is someone's priority, then they have a pathetic life. You definitely should work it into your NaNo novel, though!

  12. I have followed your blog for awhile, and I just wanted to comment on this post. You sound like a really smart, put-together young woman, and in the pictures you posted a few months back, very pretty too. Because of this, I do think you should post requirements such as "paying bills is a priority" because to you this may be a no-brainer, but many people don't take personal finance seriously. Money is the number one thing couples fight about. I have a friend who is doing online dating right now and I have encouraged her to put all of her "non-negotiables" on her profile (gently put), because I see no point in wasting her time with men who will always be incompatible.

    As I am a working woman who has always supported myself, I would NEVER, EVER, EVER be interested in some bum who can't hold down a job, and I bet you wouldn't respect that kind of man either. And, as unfair as this is, men consistently list weight as one of the most important factors in a partner, so I don't think it's really surprising that some guys want to screen out a woman who they know won't maintain her weight. I'm not saying it's right, just that it's common complaint among men. And if you look at our countries obesity problem, most people definitely don't go to the gym. You do, and that's great, but remember half of Americans don't.

    This is a very long-winded way of saying that I think you give other people too much credit. Many people don't have it together, and things you consider routine are almost impossible for others to achieve.

  13. I can always count on your blog posts to make me spit out my coffee from laughing. Thank you for that. :) Someone needs to write a book about online dating etiquette. For reals.

  14. You guys seriously a good for the ole self-esteem. :) Thanks for the comments, and Sam, thank you for the suggestions.

  15. Yes yes yes, there are way to many of this type in the on-line dating world. I wonder if they have any idea of how skeevy they sound. And while maintaining ones health is important, it is also something that some of us maybe forced to work harder for than others at different times in our lives. There are times when I am forced to place my health as a priority - due to neglect, illness or injury. However, these comments reek of the common misconception that the definition of health and fitness is the hardness of one's abs.

    The good thing is, it makes it easier to weed out the crazies and the perves.

  16. Ru - thanks for your clarification! That makes PERFECT sense and is exactly how I feel about it!