As you all know, the Rapture is this Saturday, and it's causing a lot of people unnecessary stress. As Diego wrote on facebook tonight, "The world is ending and I'm totally unprepared. My room is a mess, I have a stack of books and TV shows I need to finish, I never got to travel by hot air balloon, and I have a ton of unused coupons. Can we get a little more notice next time? This is really inconvenient."
But never fear, my non-wacko friends, because a little known fact about the Rapture is that all that's going to happen is the wackiest and most irrational of Christians will be taken up into heaven, leaving the rest of us (regular Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, Zoroastrianists, agnostics, atheists, etc.) to endure months of torment before Judgment, which has been penciled in for sometime this October. So plenty of time to use those Groupons.
In the meantime, do your good deed of the week and promise to dog sit for anyone who happens to be Raptured this weekend. Now is the time we all have to band together, people.