I've got a problem, and that problem is a lack of visual talent.
I have a job interview this week (trying to supplement the old BigLaw-to-Job-of-Happiness financial transition) and they want me to demonstrate something. Preferably something "tasty" or "crafty."
My problem is, despite four years of sewing lessons and one year of cooking classes (thanks, Mom and Dad), I am neither knitty nor bakey. OK, sure, I can display a certain amount of competence around a hem, crock pot or glue gun (the true marks of my people), but these are not really visual acts. I learned to do a tiny amount of arty frosting -- I can paint a hibiscus flower and create a rose or daisy out of buttercream frosting and do some really cute squiggling.
The problem here is that I know myself, and as soon as the rose gets lopsided or the squiggling gets out of control, which is inevitable, I will either stab my cupcake or start muttering curse words to myself.
I imagine this is the sort of behavior my potential part-time employers are trying to screen for.
I can ... sort of ... rock climb.
I can ... sort of ... paint.
I can ... sort of ... edit photographs.
I can ... sort of ... program my TV.
I can ... sort of ... play video games. (And that "sort of" is stretching it. Like, I can play Duck Hunt.)
(Oooh, I can load a gun! That wouldn't be totally weird and disturbing, would it?)
Do you see where I am going with this? The things I am really good at--laundry! typing! cleaning the oven! shopping! reading! grammar!--are not things I can really PRESENT, as in Cecil B. DeMille PRESENTS.
I keep thinking about the scene in Pride and Prejudice when Miss Bingley and Mr. Darcy are discussing what it takes to be an accomplished woman--painting, singing, needle point, a "thorough knowledge of the modern languages" (no, I haven't watched all versions of that movie a lot), piano, reading, and "something in her air and manner of walking." Well, at least I know I am good at walking--10 out of 10 homeless dudes who hit on me agree!
Do you think I could just show them how cute I walk?