Wednesday, December 2, 2009

We’ve gone too far!

I love it when old people complain about all the things that are wrong with nowadays. Bad manners. Punk music. Reality TV. Lack of respect for compass technology.

So while I may be only twenty-five, I would like to jump on the complainin’ band wagon. Item Number One on my Why Society Has Gone To Hell List: the towel warmer.

Seriously? You hop out of a warm shower into a steamy, also warm bathroom, and you’re so cold you need your towel to be artificially heated for you before you’re willing to dry off? Are you going to be sled dog racing later or something?

What enrages me most about this pseudo-appliance is that whenever I see a PSA from some celebrity cautioning against wasteful behavior and encouraging energy-efficient lifestyles, they almost always mention the two most idiotic suggestions ever:

1. Turn lights off when you leave the room.

2. Turn water off when you brush your teeth.

I’m sorry, but I have been aware that you ought to do those things since I was four, and was old enough to reach a light switch and brush my own teeth unsupervised. It’s called not being an idiot. Please, please, please, PSA announcer—stop pretending that climate change can be averted IF ONLY SALLY WOULD TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.

What I would really like to be addressed is the fact that you don’t need an electric towel warmer to keep you warm for the five minutes it takes to dry off and get dressed every day. Not only do you look like a total idiot for owning such an item, but you’re killing mother earth.

Yes, you with the towel warmer. You were the one who did it.

As a caveat: It is completely possible that the real reason I hate towel warmers is that the Craziest Roommate Ever (she of the Great Roommate Fire Incident of 2008 fame) thought that letting me use her towel warmer excused the fact that she owned two cats where she had previously said there would be no pets in the apartment. (I am not opposed to cats as animals. I just don’t want to live in the same home as them.)

Not comparable, missy. Not comparable at all.


  1. Not exactly causing global warming, but also stupid: the wipe warmer. Have you seen these? They actually exist. For 30 bucks it warms up baby wipes so your kid's ass can be wiped warmly.

    Every time I see one, a part of me dies.

  2. Oh my hell ... that is amazing. SO much more pathetic than the towel warmer! Hahaha, thanks, you seriously made my day.

    Honestly - what kind of people buy these things? I just want to meet the person who bought the wipe warmer, and not ironically or anything. The person who really feels like these items are legit and necessary.