Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Soy un perdedor

There's this thing I do.  I don't want to say what it is, since (despite my facebook account and blog) I don't like to share too much personal information on the internet.  (Funny anecdotes and political rants?  Sure.  Those are fair game.)  So let's just call it "chewing gum." 

Most people chew gum at some point in their lives.  Chewing gum can be a very rewarding activity.  It can lead to greater long-term happiness or temporary enjoyment.  It can also lead to a lot of misery and confusion.  It can be a waste of time or it can be the very best thing you could be doing with your time.  And hopefully, at some point your gum chewing results in a situation where you don't have to or want to chew gum anymore.  Perhaps you've moved on to flossing or teeth bleaching in an effort to improve your overall dental hygiene. 

When people aren't chewing gum, they're usually wishing they were chewing gum.  And sometimes, even when you're chewing gum, you're thinking about how great it would be if you could just stop chewing gum already, or at least start chewing a different piece. 

I'm not the greatest gum chewer out there.  In fact, I've pretty much sucked at chewing gum my whole life.  I don't really like doing it, but have put in a valiant effort (in my opinion) to give it a solid chance. 

But on some rare occassions, I have found myself enjoying the gum chewing experience.  In the back of my mind, of course, there is a little voice saying Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!  But I generally ignore it, because I get caught up in the moment.  Because everyone else is doing it.  Because it seems like maybe this time it will be different.  And for a little while I think, Hey, maybe I can keep this going.

But I can't.  Because I'm just not cut out for it. 

The thing is, the fact that I'm not a gum chewer is nobody's fault.  But the fact that I repeatedly give it a shot, knowing that it's not my bag?  Slap on the wrist for me.

The idea that everyone should be chewing gum, that everyone likes chewing gum, that chewing gum is for everybody-- not true.  It's not for everyone, and it's certainly not for me. 

So friends -- if you notice me enaging in any gum chewing (or other impolite, improper, or icky behavior) in the future, please.  For the love. 

Remind me that it's ok to not chew gum.


  1. You can't have your gum and chew it.

  2. Too true, too true. The best part is that you stayed in the metaphor (crappy though it was) so you're statement still accurately applies to the half-dozen or so things I was talking about when I said "chewing gum." Hahaha, I'm such a disaster zone. But that's the way I was born. ;)

  3. Wow. Your versus you're. That may be the first time in years I've screwed that up.

  4. You went to Utah, it is expected of you to make such mistakes :P