My friend Lulu and I went to a movie this weekend. (No, I'm not going to say which one. Not relevant.)*
The main character came on the screen and I thought, "Huh, he's kind of got a weird face."
And then a few seconds later, I thought, "No. That dude is stupid hot."
A scene after that, I leaned over to Lulu. "Is that guy strangely attractive, or is it just me?"
"Not just you," she whispered back. "He's really hot. Like ... really hot."
For the rest of the movie, we whispered back and forth about the fine attributes of this gentleman. His hair. His shoulders. Forearms. Biceps. Jawline. Profile. DUDE HAD A HOT NECK, for crying out loud.
At one point he had to change his shirt, and I swear we both held our breaths.
After the movie was over, I IMDB'd it, as I am wont to do. I clicked on the name of the actor, since I'd never heard of him before. And then gasped.
"The hot guy is 51 years old!"
"Yes. Seriously. Fifty-one."
And that was when I realized it.
I** was officially old.
* (Moderately shameful.)
** I am saying "I" here because I am not willing to make this statement for Lulu.
But seriously. There is nothing that really hammers the "YOU'RE THIRTY, DUMMY!" message home like realizing you're apparently attracted to 51 year olds.