I received an email from a guy on a dating website. (This is how my best stories start, and this one is the best of the best.)
He's a cross-dresser who wants to experiment with submissive/dominant role playing and wanted to know if I would be open to having him come over and clean my house while I yelled at him. "Nothing sexual," he insisted. "Just light degradation."
Not going to lie. I considered it.
Realistically, given that Hannah and Diego enthusiastically offered to join in on the bossiness ("Scrub that sink! SCRUB IT!"), he could have gotten a lot out of the experience. And I would have gotten some sparkling floorboards.
Instead I just decided that the universe is telling me I am definitely not going to find love (or anything vaguely approximating love) online.
I've suspected this might be the case for some time now, but Bondage Barbie (hometown: Provo, Utah) just made it official.