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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

the triumph of mediocrity

Oh Pinterest, what will you enrage me over next?

 
Do you know why people are (really) putting off marriage, not getting married at all, putting off having kids, forgoing kids, etc., etc., etc.?  Some people would blame feminism. (Boo, equal rights! You're the worst!) Or gay marriage. (Ruining marriage for the rest of us!

But I actually blame all these idiots who can't stop yap-yap-yapping about how haaaaaard it is to be a grown up, and specifically a grown-up with a vagina.  Laundry is hard! Taking care of kids is hard! Working is hard! It is too much to expect a woman who already SHOWERS AND DOES HER HAIR and HAS SEX to also HAVE A JOB!

No, dummies.

Crossing the plains is hard. Fighting Nazis is hard.

Cleaning your house, going to the gym, and working full-time?  NOT HARD.

And when you never SHUT UP about how very hard it is to accomplish the bare minimum of tasks required in adulthood, you discourage people from embracing adulthood. 

So stop blaming the feminists for the ills of modern society, because according to feminists:

Cleaning your house: 3 hours on a Saturday and not being a total slob the rest of the week = 3 hours

Healthy dinner on the table at dinnertime: 30 minutes every night plus 1 hour at the grocery store every week = 4.5 hours a week (less if you occasionally spend 10 minutes to go to a healthy restaurant and get takeout)

Fit, trim, and well-groomed: 30 minutes working out, three times a week + 45 minutes to get ready every morning = 6.7 hours a week (less if you relax on Saturdays)

Works full-time: Let's even go overboard on a normal full-time schedule and say 60 hours a week.

Laundry done and put away: 2 hours a week.  Feel free to watch Revenge or Grey's Anatomy while you do it, because let's be honest, the machine is doing almost all of the work.

Great sex life: assuming this means having sex 4-5 times a week for one hour each time, you will spend 5 hours every week engaging in sexual activity.

Total: 81.2 hours

How many hours are in a week?  168.  So assuming you get a full 8 hours of sleep every night (56 hours total), you still have 30.8 hours left every week to read, hang out with your friends, go shopping, detail your car, plan a vacation, learn Italian, volunteer at soup kitchens, and waste more time on Pinterest.

Suck it, lady-self-haters.

20 comments:

  1. AMEN!!!! You have left nothing for me to add - well said!

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  2. Wow, you make some really good points.

    I don't think feminism is the problem itself, but that while women's roles are changing, men's aren't. Or at least, men's roles aren't changing as fast as women's. That leads to women being expected to run the household and go to work. Like you've just proven, it is possible, but also sort of unfair when men aren't expected to do laundry, make dinner, or clean the house.

    Of course, I'm just speaking under the assumption of generalizations.

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  3. To MacKenzie's point, who isn't "expecting" men to do the laundry, make dinner, or cleaning the house? Isn't all of our jobs to manage expectations in every capacity of our lives?

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  4. Well done! Love this! Now I should grow up...:) haha

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  5. Men are easy. You expect nothing from them and they generally surprise you by helping more than you'd think... But that's not the point of the post, is it?
    Women complain about having too much on their palate. Not so, I say! Life is a hell of a lot easier for us nowadays. 100 years ago, we didn't have washers and dryers and dishwashers and hair dryers and so many other things that make it easier and faster to do the things that need to get done. Just because you're exhausted doesn't mean you can't have great sex (you never know what kind of steamy fantasy that half dream state can bring up and your lover doesn't have to know he's helping make it happen). Just because the dishes need to be washed doesn't mean you can't trim your toe nails. Just because you're doing laundry doesn't mean you can't cook a healthy meal.
    "Pick two" is an easy - and lazy - out.

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  6. Not to mention this list makes no sense at all. If all you picked was a clean house and a great sex life, you would still have hours of time to fill. Or laundry and healthy dinner. What would I do with all that time? Probably have pinboards that "inspire" me.

    Anyway, I give you a solid amen. These pins on pinterest drive me batty.

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    1. RIGHT?!?! They might as well have thrown down any other menial task -- paying bills. Yeah, that takes maybe one hour a month, assuming you haven't figured out autopay yet. It's just an excuse for women to be smug and lazy at the same time.

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  7. Amazing how we sell ourselves short. Great post. :)

    Also, thanks again for rewriting the first paragraph of my query for me. It's almost universally loved. You rock!

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  8. Exactly!

    I have nothing else to add to this.

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  9. Lol! You're completely right. Completely. I've nothing else to add.

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  10. RuthAnne,

    As a husband and father, I think you are being a bit too harsh on women. In my experience women are generally pretty tough on themselves already. I don't think disparaging them for not doing enough is going to do a lot of good.

    Also, I agree with your overall point that the fact that life is difficult doesn't excuse an unwillingness to get married or "grow up." But, I don't think your analysis takes all factors into account. Specifically, I think you might have left out quite a few activities that require substantial amounts of time, and unless I'm missing something, failed entirely to account for time spent on raising children, which many women do.

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    1. Ryan - indeed, you are missing something and I'd invite you to re-read what I wrote. The entire post was written about a cutesy little JIF that someone had posted on Pinterest and hundreds of women had "repinned" (the equivalent of a facebook "like.") You will notice it is at the very top of the post.

      So clearly along with the women that are too harsh on themselves, there are quite a few stupid, lazy, and self-indulgent women out there because -- as my post pointed out, and several commenters have noted -- they are suggesting a woman might only be able to do her laundry and have sex in any given day.

      Because more than doing laundry and having sex might be too strenuous.

      So as a woman, I disagree with your assessment that I have been too harsh. In fact, I held back.

      And for the record, I don't think adding time spent raising children changes the analysis at all. In the end, there is nothing on that list that is beyond a mother's capability (or father's for that matter) and if it is, she either needs to get additional help from her husband or someone she hires, or get a serious grip on the realities of adulthood.

      No, I absolutely do not think that the fact a man or woman has a child excuses them from the basic responsibility to clean their home, do their laundry, cook dinner, take care of their health and physical appearance, and maintain sexual intimacy with their partner. In fact, many people do all those things AND maintain employment AND watch a healthy amount of television while they're at it.

      If any man or woman in good health has a hard time accomplishing these BARE MINIMUM TASKS, I would suggest that they consider the possibility that they're doing some of them wrong.

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    2. PS - Mind me asking which Ryan you are? I know too many :)

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  11. OK. And maybe you'll always feel like cooking and never miss a day at the gym or not have enough time to spend with your kids. But, if you ever slip up, I honestly hope that your husband and children aren't too hard on you (and that you're not too hard on yourself). Maybe you're not that way but most women I know punish themselves mercilessly and think they're terrible mothers and wives, etc. if everything isn't perfect. I did notice the GIF at the top but I took it more as a "Hey ladies, take it easy on yourselves because not everything has to be perfect" rather than an excuse to not take care of the bare minimum tasks.

    Also, we've never met.

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  12. Great post! Your writing style is fun, and you make some excellent points. Hope it's alright that I blogstalked you back...

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    1. Of course it is! Nice to e-meet you :)

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