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Friday, September 9, 2011

Flash fiction: 200 words

The rules:

Write a short story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open.”

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

(This was kind of a pain in my ass. Anyone who knows me or has been reading this blog for awhile knows that I love to ramble. So I hope it's still good, even after I sliced out everything I could. If ya'll liked it, go HERE and give me some love.  I'm entry 369.)

TITLE: __________________

The door swung open, but Jane had already crept down the hall, through the den, and out the window.

She landed stiffly, more focused on silence than grace.  She held her keys and boarding pass in her fist, purse tight to her side, willing the lipgloss tubes inside to not much as clink. 

Her phone was charging in her bedroom.  But she had seen him pull up to the curb.

She didn’t look back as she made her way across the lawn in a crouch, imagining him watching from the kitchen windows, eyes bloodshot, lips cracked and bleeding.

Surely he wasn’t. He was upstairs, searching her room. The kitchen would come last.

But she didn’t want to look.

She reached the garage.  She turned the knob.

Locked.

The rational part of her brain screamed at her to run—through the alley, down the street. Find any house, any car.

She was faster than him. Today at school, it had seemed like his legs weren’t working as he shambled down the halls.

But the thought of him catching her—he can barely WALK!—made her throat tighten and close.

The car was her only option.

And the garage door was heavy.

30 comments:

  1. I'm not sure what is going on but you built the tension really well. mine is #72

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  2. Intriguing piece! I enjoyed reading your entry. :)

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  3. Oh, interesting. Lots of tension in such a short piece. Good job!

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  4. what happened! why is she running away! Ah!
    more please =)

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  5. I liked this a lot although it raises more questions than it answers. Is 'he' a zombie or an abusive husband? It doesn't really matter. The emotions are there and the text is gripping. This could well be the beginning of a longer story.

    If you want, check out my entry. It's number #186

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  6. Great suspense. I have so many questions about what's happening, but I'm still drawn in because the writing is so crisp. Well done.

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  7. OMG! The suspense in this was top class.

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  8. I could read so much more! Intriguing story!

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  9. "imagining him watching from the kitchen windows, eyes bloodshot, lips cracked and bleeding" Oooo...I'm drawn in and feeling the dread. Great job on the tension and leading us along! Def. would want to know where this is going and the relationship. I'm entry #219. :-)

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  10. Great job, Ru! Loved it! Really tense and great descriptions! :)

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  11. You grabbed my attention, girl! Good job!

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  12. Zombies are so trendy right now!

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  13. I am thinking he is a zombie. It's very interesting, very tense. Also bit of a tease. What happens?

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  14. I'm having so many scenarios in my brain of who the one rummaging through her room is--abusive husband, crazed stalker, demon or zombie. The suspense is killing me! Great job.

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  15. Love the tension.

    I'm having a great time going around reading these entries.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

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  16. Nice flash fiction! You had me at the edge of my seat.

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  17. Enjoyed this. Raised a lot of questions. Nice element of mystery throughout the story and liked the way you left the ending open.

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  18. A little confused. He can't walk but he can still catch her? You did a good job building up the tension though.

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  19. Enjoyed the tension that you evoked in this piece. So many questions left unanswered...lol. Thanks for stopping by my blog to take a look at my piece.And thanks for the awesome news. :)

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  20. This piece has me hoping the girl gets away and really makes me want to find out what the deal is with the guy. :)

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  21. Wow. You've got some talent.

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  22. thanks for the feedback, ya'll. :) I've had a seriously great time reading all the other entries (and judging a few of them). Maybe sometime I will put the whole story up here.

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  23. Yikes! Great tension and pacing. Freaky!

    Mine is number 291: http://thewarriormuse.blogspot.com/2011/09/first-campaign-challenge-flash-fiction.html

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  24. That's a great scene! Getting chased is really intense, and I think you nailed the tension just right!

    Great job, Ru! :)

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  25. Oh yeah, way to leave me breathless! I was intrigued at the mention of her stalker(?) being last seen at school, shambling like his legs weren't quite working. Raises lots of questions about the nature of this person and why he's after her.

    I'm a new follower, it's neat to "meet" other writers through this Campaign challenge - and I must say I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog title! I'll be back to visit again for sure! (just don't leave me hanging next time :)

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  26. There's a great build-up of tension here, I like it. I'm kinda intrigued to find out what's really happening! When do I get to read the rest??? :)

    I'm #383, http://bit.ly/jiQk8x

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  27. Great suspense! You did a great job of taking this reader to the edge. I want to know more!

    Hi from a fellow campaigner, and your newest follower. Again, super piece!

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