This is why I will adopt (with a slight revision)*:
Kate: So the nurse called and said I have to come in to get my cervix softened.
Me: Ewwww! What does that even mean?
Kate: I don't know!
Kate: Oh, I guess it just means they put some sort of pill up in there.
Me: Well, that's not as bad as I thought. I was picturing a tiny masseuse.
Kate: Ewwww! Ha, what if I had shown up prepared for a spa day? Where are my cucumber slices, bitches?!
Me: What happens after that?
Kate: Well, if it turns out I'm "ripe" ---
Kate: I know!
Me: No offense, but you should go have a spa day. All this baby stuff is kind of vile.
Kate: You're telling me. Last time they told me about stripping membranes.
* Kate emailed me this afternoon to use the word "ripe" three times. I can't believe I forgot about it the first time I posted this. Anyway, THINK RIPE THOUGHTS, PEOPLE!
(PS - Go enter the contest below, biotches. Good deeds are nothing to sneeze at. Good deeds PLUS the opportunity to get a $25 gift card, editing help from someone with mild OCD, or a MYSTERY PRIZE? That's like philanthropic nirvana.)