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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Dietcokeovore

I have been battling an unknown smell for the last three or four days.  I have cleaned obsessively.  I have bought dozens of scented candles.  I have Febreezed and re-Febreezed.  NOTHING WAS WORKING.

You might want to conclude that it therefore had to be food-related.  But anyone who knows me in real life knows I don't have food in my house.   Not real food, anyway.  I have lots of Diet Coke, ice cream, yogurt, snap peas and cereal.  I occasionally have bagels and cold cuts.  But these are all highly perishable, in that I eat them well before their respective expiration dates.  Now that I'm being all responsible and adultish, my eating patterns haven't changed much.  

But I did, in an effort to try to be more grown up, buy a bag of potatoes and some meat on Saturday when I went to the grocery store.

I froze the meat.

That left the potatoes.

In the back of my head, as I was cleaning/scenting/Febreezing my entire apartment, I kept thinking, Check the potatoes.  But then I'd think, Nah, how is that even possible?  They're like four days old!  Aren't you supposed to be able to keep potatoes for longer than a week?  If not, why on earth would they sell them in units of bag?  Who can eat like fifteen potatoes in one sitting?

I picked up the bag today, and got pretty liberally sprayed with rotting potato juices.  Yeah, I solved the mystery all right.

I know my mom would want me to pack up the bag and go back to the grocery store to complain about being sold rotting food, but really, it's so not worth the money to subject my poor car to that nonsense.  I threw all the potatoes into the trash and put the trash out.  Then I repeated my whole clean/scent/Febreeze process.

This is why I subsist on yogurt, Diet Coke and cereal, people.

3 comments:

  1. The only thing that can cure college eating habits is cooking for more than yourself. Marriage has made me a veritable chef. :D

    As for potatoes, we had a bag go rotten, and it filled the entire apartment. We couldn't figure where the reek was coming from... until Erin pulled open the cupboard and released the rotten spud juice all over the place.

    It was rank. And all due to just a little bit of water. That's when we learned the greatest Potato lesson of all: "Keep em dry, or you will die."

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  2. K, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has been foiled by potatoes. Boo potatoes.

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  3. Gross. Good thing potatoes are practically free.

    Once I had a similar incident, in a mission apartment, and it took a WEEK for me to realize that at some unknown previous time, someone had put a bag with MULTIPLE CLOVES OF GARLIC in the back of a cupboard.

    Ummm, no.

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