I don't really like kids. Really, really do not care for them.*
I mean, I want to have my own, since fortunately biological imperative will win out over mere distaste, but that doesn't change the fact that kids are kinda gross. Kinda demanding. Kinda irritating.
I mean, seriously. You're a big, fat liar if you don't find the concept of a small child a little concerning. Big eyes. Tiny hands. Tiny teeth. Stealthy movements. Ability to hide in weird places. Unexplainable emotional responses - creepy laughter, creepy solemnity, creepy silence. I submit that any child's expression can become bone-chilling given the right lighting. See picture left.
I'm not exaggerating, nor am I alone in this -- the whole idea of children-as-symbolic-death-of-adults concept has spawned a gazillion horror movies.
The Good Son.
The Bad Seed.
The Children of the Corn.
Let The Right One In.
And what about movies where children are not the main attraction, but feature in predominantly creeptastic ways?
Blue dress girls from The Shining.
Little boy and his raspy-voiced finger from The Shining.
Chanting kids in Nightmare on Elm Street.
Tween zombie from beginning of The Dawn of the Dead.
Meowing boy in The Grudge.
Banjo boy from Deliverance.
Murderous toddler in Pet Sematary.
I mean, I'm not saying I won't ever spawn one or two, I'm just saying I won't be inclined to let them have friends. Also, if you are a friend of mine with a child, I'm sure your child is lovely and non-homicidal, and I will be delighted to remark pleasantly on the cute bow and/or baby sneakers she or he is wearing.
I just don't want to ever be left alone in a room with it.
(*Genuine fear, or a desire to avoid babysitting for the rest of my natural life? You decide.)