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Thursday, October 29, 2009

"I'd vote for Brock O'Bottle if I could"

I went to Hagerman's for lunch today with my friend Kate,* and with two days until Halloween, naturally the topic of costumes came up.

Currently, my plan is to don a Strawberry Shortcake costume and recapture my 80s childhood.  Kate and her hubster Ryan are thinking of being a dead girl wrapped in Saran Wrap and a friendly Miami serial killer.  (Kate, Ryan and I are slightly obsessed with Dexter.)  My friend Amy is going as Rainbow Brite.  Her boyriend Jim is going as Sparkly Twilight Vampire.  My sis Echo is being a pirate.  My bro Charlie is working on a Megan Fox costume.  (Because really, doesn't Megan Fox already kinda look like a tranny?)  My friend Chris (you know, with all the care I go to in trying to change names, I really need to remember to start changing Chris's) "Diego" is going to be a Phaorah mummy.  My friend Abe is going to be Jon Gosselin.  (Or, at least, I'm planning to bully him into being Jon Gosselin.) 


Anyway, Kate started telling me about how her co-worker's kids were trying to decide what to be for Halloween.  (Kate's co-worker's kids have had some golden Halloween costumes in the past, including ... wait for it ... VAMPIRE MONKEY.) 

Anyway, Kate's c.w.'s nine-year-old kid is apparently a budding little Republican, thanks to his birther Grandma, and wanted to go as a "tattered American."  Yeah.  Dress in rags, with a hobo stick (I believe the technical term is "bindle"), and carry around a brick that has "THANKS OBAMA!" spray painted on it.  When his dad told him that "Tattered American" was not a school-appropriate costume (if only to avoid the ridicule of other kids), the nine-year-old said he didn't want  to be anything at school and would go trick-or-treating as a Tattered American.  So while other kids are dressed up as zombies and witches and football players, this third grader will be wearing jeans and a button down: a silent, bitter protest of liberal American politics. 

Kate and I had a good laugh over that one. 

Ahh, kids.  So dumb. 

This, of course, led to another wonderful story -- a different c.w. kid, this one a six-year-old girl, who had a bawling breakdown on election day because HER grandma had told her Barack Obama was a "baby killer," and OH MOM, OH DAD, WHY IS A BABY KILLER PRESIDENT?!?!?!?!?!

Fun fact about this anecdote: Thanks to loving Granny, this kid's parents then had the enjoyable task of explaining to a six-year-old that, no, President Obama doesn't kill babies, people who kill people don't get to be president (unless the killing occured in wartime or an appropriately scheduled duel), but there's this medical procedure called an "abortion" that ...

(I kinda wonder if that led to another breakdown of sorts.  OH MOM, OH DAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME YOU COULD HAVE ABORTED ME?!?!?!?!?!)

Seriously people (*cough crazy grandmas cough*), I get that you want your kids to be politically informed, but some topics may be a bit much for certain age groups.  Which is why when Kate's nephew cheerfully announced, "I'd vote for Brock O'Bottle if I could!" at a family dinner a few months ago, everyone smiled and nodded and thought, "That's adorable, our kid's an idiot." 

Appropriate response.



* Names changed

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